David Fitzjarrell 🟧💙

@ThexyBeatht_2 I get that every 2 hours, day and night.

My bladder coming to me at 2:30am

@deloisivete To be honest you have to do that walking into Piggly Wiggly.

Took the kids to Build a Bear for the first time and now I need to build a second mortgage

@ReneeLibby95084 Very true, and that Filet O’Fish can be ordered with a full slice of American cheese. I think they should change it to use cheddar cheese sauce, a nice, big squirt of it.

@ddfdba I can still have faith in processed "cheese"

Dear Mc Donald's workers: You aren't putting enough cheese on Donald Trump's Filet-o-Fish. Please, extra cheese and more tartar sauce. And is there any way to deeper fry them? Thank you.

@CurvyMissMia Six months after my burial my casket will look like a junk drawer, just the screws, brackets and other hardware medical science used to hold me together. My epitaph will likely read, “My screws were never loose.”

My epitaph: “I mean, whatever dude.”

@CurvyMissMia No judgement here, I think you’re cool.

@ddfdba I guess I will always assist a criminal If he’s not hurting anyone.

Did you let folks cheat off you in class? In high school? I totally did. I don’t understand how I got in trouble for that.

@CurvyMissMia It, of course, didn’t work, nerds were never popular when I was a kid.

@CurvyMissMia Just speaking to the question. That’s how cheating is viewed academically. I got sent to the Principal’s office for doing the same thing, trying to get kids to like me.

@KestrelToni We would travel the country every summer, I’ve been to 44 of the 50 States, and we could find it in those small towns you had to slow down for, in the drug store on Main Street. Seems it was always Main Street in those towns.

@ddfdba Love that show!! Biggest crush on Alda for ages lol. I am weird & dont do much fruit flavor anything...just fruit itself 😂

@KestrelToni For some strange reason grape soda appeals to me. I settle for Faygo or the store brand because Nehi is not available here in Colorado. We used to get it in Kansas City, we’d moved all over so I had to adapt.

@KestrelToni It’s, unfortunately, a favorite of mine. Because of that I’m a pariah because nobody else likes it. My favorite is Nehi Grape, made famous on M*A*S*H.

@ddfdba I dont get the reference lol... but I am anti grape flavored things 😂

@atrupar “Effective immediately all flights anywhere will now be strictly cargo flights. Making all passengers cargo eliminates the TSA lines.”

a very confused Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy on ABC: "TSA agents are law enforcement. They know how to pat people down, they know how to run the x-ray machines because they are under Homeland Security with TSA. So if we can bring in other assets and tools to assist TSA to get rid of these lines, I think that makes a lot of sense."

@KestrelToni “Enny uv em bout grape soda?”

@ddfdba 3. There are limitless numbers of rules 😂

@atrupar He’s a LSOS.

WELKER: Would the administration ever raise taxes in order to fund this war? BESSENT: Again, Kristen, terrible framing WELKER: It's a simple question BESSENT: It's a ridiculous question WELKER: Can you answer it? BESSENT: Why would we do that? We have plenty. We have a trillion dollars.

@joelgarry @digweeg @DougWahl1 @KathleenIrish75 So I have an IV pole, for dialysis…

@ddfdba @digweeg @DougWahl1 @KathleenIrish75 Pole dancing and stripper classes are a thing. I have a relative who teaches. Seriously.

MAGA IS SOLVING PROBLEMS, YOU DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD! Rep Mary Miller (R IL) has introduced a bill that would ban strippers from performing in schools. When asked how often this has happened.. she was unable to name on reported case. Your thoughts?

Hmm 😒 🤔?¿ If you are active just say HI, and if im not following you back just let me know with a ❤️

@SarahSevans2000 Dark, definitely.

Where are you? It depends on the phase of the moon for me🤣

@LISAMW979 No, ours is 24 and we don’t really get to sleep until she gets home. Regardless of age she’s still our baby girl.

My daughter will be 18 in a couple of weeks and I still wait up for her. Does this ever stop?