willow

my cat's food bowl is in the dishwasher after she ate all of her food for the day and now she thinks she is on day 15 of starvation

computer, put my man's armpits in my face

i love the river. i love baking for my family. i love having bedtime drinks. i love how west virginia spring waits all day to get warm. i love my lover’s laugh, my cat’s trill, feeding hens, writing bad poems. i love this life. i can't believe i ever tried to die.

this mcdonalds tastes like my neighbor donnie's dog

my tweets flop every day i'm really doing this for the love of the game

been using my past due credit card as a bookmark, call that financial literacy

he'd be so cute pregnant

computer, make my man pregnant

#OOTD 🥰

@missus_wormy personally i've found heating my lash curler with a lighter, letting it cool until it's like barely warm, curling and then immediately doing mascara keeps them up a little bit!

@gurlcryptid im probably just giving up and letting them be, they’ve won the war

I was born cursed with these stupid eyelashes that grow underneath my eyelashes that I constantly have to pluck out

put your fucking ukulele down and go piss on a cop

you're all boots n hat, cowboy

youve heard of labubu johnson, now get ready for expresso martin

sorry doesn't cut it i need you dead

it feels good to not pay attention to the news

the first time i posted this i learned that not everyone calls this method shake n bake and that's how i realized my dad wasnt normal

how to make meth in a 2L mtn dew bottle.

please, call me expresso. mr. martin was my father

john stamos' full name is pee