Paul Hooper

Nothing more disheartening than watching a comic say “I’m kidding” while onstage at a comedy show.

Somehow saying nothing of value has become very valuable in our society.

The key to a team’s success is good leadership. I know this because it is the topic of every podcast on planet earth.

Staring at the sun is probably healthier than looking at all these dumbass posts.

@scottos I miss you 😘

April Fool’s day wisdom from the insufferable @paulhooper

Fall for the joke on April Fools day but pretend to feel deeply betrayed and never let it go. The long play wins.

26 years in comedy today. If you think I’m funny thank you. And if you don’t think I’m funny evidently that doesn’t matter.

I can’t believe how the one rich guy yelled at the other rich guy in that game. It consumes me.

I did not watch the Golden Globes but will review your essays and announce a winner on Friday.

I’d rather pay double than receive another Black Friday or Cyber Monday email.

Always important to remember you’re not on the football team you’re upset about. You do not have to care.

Take more steps, say less words.

Went for a physical today. Doctor says it’s time for a colon screening. They’re sending a kit so I can take a sample and mail it in. Asked for a couple extra to send out as gifts this holiday season.

I just re-listened to this almost nine year old @TuesdayStories, and it remains an all-time great. Wowie Zowie! @marknorm @JoeListComedy @paulhooper

If your favorite football team doesn’t win today just remember you don’t play for the team and you’ll never have as much money as them. Then maybe go for a walk

HGTV is a whole channel dedicated to people who can barely stand each and are looking to spend $800,000 asap.

@joezimmerman Just got food poisoning from Cava. But we all miss once in a while.

Any strong opinions on Cava vs. Sweetgreen in the fast casual, healthful eating, dining corporate chain space?

@DylanHShelton I’m sorry man.

We lost Pam. She’d been sunning herself on the deck. Neighbors let their dog out and they were playing at the fence. She collapsed. I put her in the tub and ran cold water over her. She stopped breathing, I started cpr. Brutal and terrifying experience. I love her so much.

PLACES YOU CAN GO - AFGHANISTAN - all 5 episodes live now. See link in bio for diff streaming options.

I’ve found the key to enjoying comedy is ignoring a lot of comedy.