Owner

@GaryPetersonUSA The newest testament is pretty lit.

An Easter message for my fellow Straightriots. It was my last day as Mall Easter Bunny, and you'll be happy to know, I did not go quietly. After my final shift, with more sweat up my ass than an Easter Roast, I sat there in the foot court in my red white and blue leather Bunny suit, sitting at one of those small tables, barely big enough to feast on my whole pizza from S'barro's while I cracked leftover Cadbury egg yolks on top. I was minding my own business, honoring the true meaning of Easter, when suddenly I was accosted by two notoriously woke employees of Sam Goody, wearing their Cool & The Gang shirts the kids today like. One of the girls pointed at my costume and said, "propaganda has no place in the Easter village." I quickly put out my cigarette in the chocolate eggshell, stood up and proudly exclaimed "You should be thanking President Trump for his legalization of Easter Worship." When they refused to stop mocking my suit, I reminded them that Moses guaranteed by Freedom of Speech in the First Commandment and their criticism of my values is against mall law. The confrontation escalated as they called security, but the employees of Montgomery Wards had my back. Their faces still covered in free chocolate I gave them, they lifted me over their shoulders like I had won the Easter Super Bowl and protected me by spraying the girls in the face with Blue De Chanel as I held my melting chocolate bunny like a trophy. Impressed by my bravery, the mall manager approached and declared that I had enough raw sex appeal to be Easter Bunny for Life. At this point, the Auntie Anne's workers got involved, remembering when I round house kicked one in the face last month to honor the memory of Chuck Norris, and they tossed warm cups of honey mustard our way while shouting "Easter has No Kings!" I'm not going to say who started it, but soon enough there was enough honey mustard flying over the whole food court like it was the Boston Tea Party for condiments. I was safely carried away to the mall bunker, the Pole Position arcade machine at Aladdin's Castle, while the employees fought amongst themselves, tripping on pretzel bites, shoving Dr. Pepper Peeps in the manager's mouth and calling it "late stage capitalism." As we waited for the riot to break down, all I could think of was the beautiful words of our National Anthem by Lee Greenwood. God bless the USA, and God bless Easter. And if the mall manager is reading this, I humbly accept the Easter Bunny for Life position, just as I have already been declared America's favorite Mall Santa; for He is Risen. #HappyEaster

@minnano_dougaww Nah. They absolutely should do this.

世界唐辛子ランキング3位のブートジョロキアを食べた少年。 冗談でもやってはいけない遊びだというのがわかった。

@LASHYBILLS This is real. I know because I was there. I was that tesla.

A 38-year-old woman spent $12k to have 56 abortions because she loves the feeling of it.

@RightsideRa @Jake16423473 @LucifersTweetz

That's a whole lot of assumptions there. 1st Chronology alone does not prove causation or plagiarism. 2nd Ancient Near Eastern societies shared a common cultural milieu, oral traditions, and possibly memories of real regional catastrophes (e.g., massive floods in Mesopotamia). The Bible’s version could reflect a shared cultural memory or independent development rather than plagiarism. Reducing it to “copy/paste” ignores context, transmission, and adaptation. 3rd Mesopotamian versions (e.g., Epic of Gilgamesh’s Utnapishtim, Atrahasis, or earlier Sumerian Eridu Genesis) feature a polytheistic pantheon where gods argue, act capriciously (one god warns the hero secretly because others want to wipe out noisy humans), multiple deities, and sometimes immoral or whimsical motives. The Biblical account is strictly monotheistic: one righteous God judges human wickedness morally, with a covenant promise afterward, no divine infighting, and an emphasis on ethical monotheism. Details like ark dimensions, the number of animals, the duration, the reason for the flood, and post-flood actions diverge significantly.

I am currently at Walter Reed Hospital waiting. Thank you for your attention to this matter. -The Devil

@RightsideRa @Jake16423473 @LucifersTweetz It did copy some of the better stories though. The three days resurrection and flood/ark fables were lifted from sumerian mythology. The ark story was almost copy/paste.

@Jake16423473 @LucifersTweetz You're first mistake was assuming Christianity was invented. Christianity was never invented. It didn't come by the will of man but the will of God

@damintoell I know this happened as I was there. I was the table.

Wow, it’s amazing how often this happens!

@Sweigart_Ian27 Dogs are used to pull sleds.

why the fuck would they bring that

@LouDPhillips How many more times will I pick the wrong profession? WRITING's where it's at!

Great writing requires the proper tools. #IAmWriting

@horrormuseum Just found out she's not single. 😔

Love her

@Syraavibes Especially if it's their wife, and not with them.

Men love sex untill they meet a female who likes to fuck 6 time a day.

@TerribleMaps It hasn't shrunk. Technology has allowed us to come even closer to reaching planet earth.

Blows my mind how much earth has shrunk in just 54 years. Concerning

@OldManHop @makotopic These taste OK but the texture is between candle and candy.

@makotopic American here: enjoyment of black licorice candy is associated with old people and the British. It's way more common for people to eat a similar type of candy (also called "licorice") in strawberry and cherry flavor instead. The most common brands are "Twizzlers" and "Red Vines"

せっかく自動翻訳機能がついたので本場のアメリカ人に聞いてみたいのは、「リコリス」とかいう見た目も味も食感も完全にゴムのあのお菓子、みんな子どもの頃は本当においしいと思って食べてたんだろうかということ。

@DavoustBaldPate Battle of the mythologies

Another Mormon dilemma: Mormons reject the Trinity and insist that their god the father, Holy Ghost and Jesus are three separate and distinct individuals. With this doctrine, their Jesus is not the son of god, but the son of their Holy Ghost. This breaks the biblical connection between their Jesus Christianity. According to scripture: Matthew 1:18: Mary “was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 1:20: “What is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.” Luke 1:35: “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.” This explains why Brigham Young and other Mormon ‘prophets’ and ‘apostles’ claimed their god the father conceived their Jesus the old fashioned way, it’s the only way he could be the son of god. But that explanation also severs the link between their Jesus and the Bible. Mormons are wrong either way. The Mormon Jesus is not the Christ of the Bible. Checkmate, heretics.

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of them said, “I’m going to wind him up.” He walked over, tapped the Irishman on the shoulder, and said, “I hear St. Patrick was a no-good wife beater.” The Irishman said, “Oh, really? Didn’t know that.” The man went back, confused. “I insulted St. Patrick, and he didn’t care!” The second Englishman said, “You’re doing it wrong. Watch this.” He went over and said, “I hear St. Patrick was a no-good drunk!” The Irishman replied, “Oh wow, I didn’t know that. Thanks for telling me.” The Englishman came back shocked. “You’re right, he doesn’t react to anything!” The third Englishman said, “I’ll get him.” He walked over, tapped the Irishman on the shoulder, and said, “I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!” The Irishman smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s what your friends were trying to tell me!” 😂🍀

@Bruce_Cares @britsalterego Those Cheerios commercials were bullshit.

@britsalterego It’s a threat, they do this in defense of the hive and in a swarm like this… you will die.

Yeah hi, beekeeper here! If you see this, fucking run. Record less and run more.

@CattardSlim This couple has a chair at the foot of their bed.

The last thing you remember after waking up in a storage container

@TomClan92038198 @TheGriftReport Looks like the civilian model.

@TheGriftReport That machine gun is missing a couple selector settings

Armed police guarding Sadiq Khan left a holdall full of guns on the kerb outside his Clapham family home. Inside: an MP5 submachine gun, Glock 17 pistol with live ammo, and a 50,000-volt Taser. A pregnant woman spotted the suspicious bag, kicked it because it felt heavy, and her partner took it home, only to discover it was packed with Met Police firearms. Five armed officers have been suspended from frontline duties while the Met launches a full internal investigation. Now just imagine if this fell into the wrong hands? In LONDON of all places!

@virgilwalker And details their genitals in detail no doubt.

@truthovertact But it does mention a man and a woman.

The Bible has no category of human being called “trans.” There are only males and females. (Genesis 1:27-28) Those confused need to seek medical attention to affirm one of the two available categories. Those practicing “trans” ideology must repent.

@expensiveaccide Eject! Eject!

He’s not supposed to be in the cave when they roll the stone away 🤣