bad kitty

we did it patrick! we lowered the cost of eggs!

I'm at the $7.50 a gallon gasoline, I'm at the nuclear war, I'm at the combination $7.50 a gallon gasoline and nuclear war.

Quadruple NASAs budget immediately!

Wrap it up. It’s over. No other tweet this year will top this one.

HR handing out $50 bonuses after the company made $30 billion in profits this year

if you're The Onion writers do you just give up at this point

“drag is inherently sexual” and it’s just trixie mattel giving a presentation on the amish

Imagine being so far away from Andrew Tate.

look at how beautiful this is pictures like this really make me feel we should bomb each other and charge thousands of dollars for life saving medication and sit in our car all day and work endless hours to eat jalapeño poppers and pay rent to Blackstone

Flavor can be found, even in the darkest of times

Los castores son los animales más divertidos de todo el reino animal. Nada de drama, only hacer presas.

Moo Deng walked so Punch the Monkey could run so the Corgi who led seven kidnapped dogs across highways and fields could soar

Let me explain what just happened 👇 5 minutes before the President announced a halt to attacks on Iran… someone placed a $1.5 BILLION bet on stocks going up and dumped $192 million in oil. 5 minutes… These trades were 4 to 6 times larger than anything else in the entire market. Whoever did this wasn’t guessing. You don’t risk $1.5 billion on a hunch. There was zero public indication this announcement was coming. No leaks. No press. Nothing. The only people who knew were in the room when the decision was made. Someone in that room picked up a phone. And within minutes they made more money than most Americans will earn in a thousand lifetimes. In a single trade. On a war that cost you $4+ a gallon gas and $16 billion in tax dollars. American citizens funded this war. Politicians are profiting from it. This is not the first time. Every major announcement from this administration has had massive suspicious trades right before it dropped. Tariff reversals. Policy shifts. War decisions. This is the most blatant insider trading operation in the history of American politics. It’s not even close. And it’s happening over and over in broad daylight. You would go to federal prison for trading on a tip from your cousin. These people are front running war decisions with billion dollar bets and nobody will ever ask a single question. Nobody will be investigated. Nobody will be charged. By tomorrow this will be buried under the next satisfying headline. Just like last time. And the time before that. The game is rigged. And they’re not even trying to hide it anymore…

Why are the standards higher for The Bachelorette than the President of the United States?

SCREAMING

Trixie Mattel donates $100,000 to the lesbian Community. "Let me in," she states.

before you meet the love of your life you must conquer the four horsemen of abusive boyfriends

"Intimacy issues" is such a funny way to say this young woman was sexually abused as a 6-year-old, married the GROWN man who groomed and impregnated her when she was 15-16, and once she started processing all that, she didn't want to have sex with him anymore. SHE'S FREEEEE

Americans learning that governments can actually do things for the 1,688,354th time