@fesshole Watch it on rewind - you'll see yourself walk out of the church a s a free man 👍
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Postman Pat
4.1K posts
Postman Pat
@PostmanPat__
Greendale's finest Postman ! 🍺🍺🍺 parody . . . obviously 🙁 #PissedUpPat #PatStats
Greendale Se unió Nisan 2017
398 Siguiendo4.7K Seguidores
Wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary recently and decided to rewatch our wedding video. Thought it would be a lovely trip down memory lane. Instead we were both depressed at how young, thin, attractive and full of energy we both looked. Turned it off.
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Postman Pat retuiteado
"You smell nice today Pat"
"Thankyou Mrs Goggins, its my new aftershave - it's called 'Breadcrumbs' . . . The birds love it"
🙄
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Postman Pat retuiteado
I said to the wife - "happy valentines day" and i handed her a bunch of flowers.
She said - "HUH, I suppose I'll have to open my legs for them"
I said - "why, haven't we got a vase ?"
#ValentinesDay
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Hubby enjoys being dressed in lingerie and having toys up his bottom. We have a camera in the bedroom for recording such antics. Recently been having some plumbing work done, camera caught one of the plumbers sniffing the toys and lingerie he clearly thought were mine.
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Postman Pat retuiteado
"Hi Ted , good Christmas ? "
"Yes Pat , the wife got me swimming pool membership to keep fit , I went today and after about an hour I needed a wee , so I had a sneaky pee in the deep end . . . The lifeguard blew his whistle so loud that i almost fell off the diving board
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"Hello Pat , could tou return this parcel for me please ? . . . I ordered a Penis Enlarger from a company online for £100 and the cheeky bastards sent me out a copy of Readers Wives"
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Postman Pat retuiteado
I met Ted this morning and said - "Hello Ted , how did you get on with Doctor Gilbertson yesterday to help you to quit smoking ?"
He said - "excellent Pat , She gave me some Nicotine patches . . . I took them home , put one over each eye and I couldn't find my cigarettes"
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@JaneDuval1 @ramonagusta Blimey . . . Surely I'm not that ugly ? 🤔🤣
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@ramonagusta He is very wooden and uncomfortable. He reminds me of postman Pat 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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What a strange style of walking...
WORLD NEWS@_MAGA_NEWS_
🚨ALERT: In a stunning betrayal to NATO, Britain's PM Keir Starmer has landed in China – the FIRST UK PM visit in 8 YEARS – he will meet President Xi Jinping aiming to enhance trade and economic ties. His visit is the second by a NATO leader to China this month, following Canada.
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Postman Pat retuiteado
P.C. Selby stopped me in the van this afternoon.
He said - "Hello Pat , I've pulled you over for a spot check"
I said - "I've got two blackheads and a boil on my left arse-cheek"
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Postman Pat retuiteado
I had an accident and crashed the van yesterday. I explained to P.C. Selby that the other chap involved was on a mobile phone and drinking from a can of beer at the time of the crash -
P.C. Selby said that the other chap was entitled to whatever he wanted in his own living room
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This morning i gave Ted Glen a hand to repair the roof and chimney stack at the Post Office .
"Time for a pint Ted"
#TedsBodgeJob
#LeaveItWithMe
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Postman Pat retuiteado
Mrs Goggins said she was writing to the doctor to get a breast enlargement ,
I said - "if you want bigger boobs just rub toilet-paper between your boobs a couple of times a day"
She asked - "will that work Pat ?"
I said - "it worked for your arse"
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Postman Pat retuiteado
I caught Alf Thompson earlier shagging a sheep that had its head stuck in a fence . . .
He said - "would you like to have a turn Pat ?"
I said - "Don't be silly . . . I'll never get my head in that fence"
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