warrenhimself 🎟💚

Went to the doctor the other week My wife made the appointment She said I "look tired" I said I am tired She said "not normal tired. Weird tired." I don't know what that means but I went anyway Nice office Fish tank in the lobby Third one this year Signed in at 1:48pm My appointment was at 2:00pm 12 minutes early Because I was raised to believe that matters The receptionist said "the doctor is running a little behind" I said "how far behind" She said "about 45 minutes" I said "so my 2:00 appointment is actually a 2:45 appointment" She said "we appreciate your patience" I said "I haven't shown any yet" My wife grabbed my arm There was a sign behind the desk "Missed appointments without 24-hour notice will incur a $75 fee" The doctor was 45 minutes late Nobody offered me $75 We sat down CNN was playing on mute with subtitles Running a segment about New York City redesigning its trash cans Cost the city $4 million I looked at my wife She said "don't start" Seven magazines on the table All from 2019 I read an article about supply chain disruptions that have since been resolved Very informative My wife was on her phone She looked up and said "WebMD says you might be dehydrated" I said "so we're paying $1,800 for a second opinion on WebMD" She went back to her phone At 2:54pm they called my name A nurse walked me to a room Took my blood pressure Took my temperature Typed for three minutes Then said "the doctor will be right in" I sat on the paper The paper ripped immediately I looked at the wall There was a diagram of a colon Not how I planned to spend my Tuesday 3:19pm The doctor walked in 1 hour and 19 minutes after my scheduled appointment He was looking at his phone Shook my hand without making eye contact Sat down and read my chart for about 30 seconds While I sat there watching him learn who I was He said "so what brings you in today" I said "my wife thinks I look weird tired" He said "what does that mean" I said "I was hoping you'd tell me" He said "when's the last time you had bloodwork done" I said "2019 maybe" He said "we should run a full panel" I said "fine" He asked if I was sleeping well I said "I have three kids and a golden retriever who thinks 3am is a reasonable time to need outside" He said "are you drinking enough water" I said "probably not" He said "that might be it" I said "you think the reason I look weird tired is because I don't drink enough water" He said "dehydration is more common than people think" I said "I've been here over an hour and sat on a piece of paper that ripped to be told to drink water" He said "we'll know more when the bloodwork comes back" I said "when will that be" He said "3 to 5 business days" I said "business days" He said "yes" I said "my blood has business days" He didn't respond Then he said "any other concerns" I said "several. But none you can bill for." He shook my hand again Still no eye contact Total face time with the doctor: 6 minutes Total time in the building: 1 hour and 37 minutes I was examined for approximately 6% of the time I was present I've fired people for better numbers than that My wife was in the waiting room She asked how it went I said "I need to drink water" She said "I told you that last week" I said "yes but now it's a medical opinion so it costs $1,800" She didn't laugh In the car she said "at least now you know you're fine" I said "I was fine when I walked in. I just didn't have the receipt to prove it." She didn't disagree The bloodwork came back four business days later Everything was normal The doctor's office sent a message through their portal It said "results look great. Continue to stay hydrated and follow up in 12 months." Follow up in 12 months To be told to drink water again $1,800 1 hour and 37 minutes 6 minutes of face time One ripped piece of paper And the same advice my wife gave me for free Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

Speaking about the deep contradictions in human nature, Japanese actor Hiroyuki Sanada said: “Some people dream of having a swimming pool at home, while those who have one barely use it. Those who have lost a loved one feel a profound sense of loss, while others often complain about the relatives still in their lives. Those without a partner long for one, while those who have a partner often fail to appreciate them. The hungry would give anything for a meal, while the full complain about the taste of their food. Those without a car dream of owning one, while those who have a car are always looking for a better one. The key to happiness is gratitude—to truly see and value what we already have, and to understand that somewhere, someone would give everything for what we take for granted.”

Bought a coffee this morning Black, no milk, no syrup Someone poured liquid into a cup Took eleven seconds Then she flipped the iPad around 30% 35% 40% For a $6 coffee that took eleven seconds to make The line behind me was six deep All watching 30% is the new 0% Everyone knows it Nobody says it I pressed custom Typed $0 The barista looked at me The guy behind me looked at me My wife looked at the ceiling We left Went to lunch after Waiter brought water and bread without being asked Took our order Checked on us twice Refilled drinks Cleared plates I tipped 25% My wife said "you just gave the waiter 25% and the barista nothing" I said "correct" She stared at me I said "one of them did a job. The other one turned an iPad around." She took the check out of my hands After lunch we stopped for frozen yogurt The kids served themselves Picked their own toppings Weighed their own cups I paid by the ounce Then the screen flipped around 35% 40% 45% I looked at my seven-year-old who had just done the entire job I pressed no tip The teenager behind the counter didn't blink She already knew My wife grabbed my arm and walked me out In the car she was quiet Then she said "I can never take you anywhere" I said "just not the places with iPads" She didn't laugh But she didn't disagree Tipping used to mean something Now it's just a screen that guilt-trips you in front of strangers I don't negotiate against myself Not at work Not at a frozen yogurt shop Plz fix. Thx. Sent from my iPhone

Had a parent-teacher conference this morning My wife told me not to come I came anyway She said "please just listen and nod" I said "I always listen" She said "you listen like you're sitting in a boardroom looking for something to challenge" That's how listening works Nice classroom Small chairs I am 6'4" and was seated at a desk designed for someone who still believes in Santa Claus My knees touched my chest The teacher introduced herself Shared her identified pronouns I shared my identified adjectives Smart and handsome My wife closed her eyes The teacher had a folder Color-coded tabs I respected the organization She said our son is "a pleasure to have in class" My wife smiled I waited That sentence is never the whole report It's the executive summary before the risk section She said "however" There it is She said he "asks a lot of questions" I said "good" She said "during quiet time" I said "when is quiet time?" She said "it's when students are expected to work independently and in silence" I said "so he's the only one trying to get information and you've structured the environment to prevent it?" My wife put her hand on my arm I continued The teacher said he recently told another student that "sharing pencils doesn't make sense if nobody brings their own" I said "that's an accurate observation" My wife squeezed harder The teacher said she's concerned about his "resistance to group activities" I said "he's not resistant. He just doesn't see the value of doing more work for the same grade." The teacher said he also corrected her math on the whiteboard I said "was he right?" She paused She said "that's not the point" I said "it's a little bit the point" My wife stood up Sat back down Compromise The teacher pulled out an evaluation sheet Categories like "works well with others" and "follows directions" and "respects classroom norms" All subjective Not a number on the page I asked how these are graded She said "based on observation" I said "so one person's opinion with no second review?" She said "it's professional judgment" I said "my auditors say that too. Right before I disagree with them." She looked at my wife My wife said "I'm sorry about him" I said "I'm sitting right here" My wife said "I know" The teacher said overall he's a bright kid and she just wants to make sure he learns to "collaborate" I said "collaboration is important. But so is recognizing when you're the only one doing the work. He'll learn that again in college. And again in the real world. Might as well start now." Nobody spoke The teacher closed her folder She said "I think we've covered everything" I said "one more thing" She braced herself I said "his reading is above grade level. His math is strong. He asks hard questions and corrects mistakes when he sees them. I just want to make sure this school knows what it has." The teacher looked at me differently My wife looked at me differently I said "that's all" We left In the car my wife was quiet Then she said "he's turning into you" I said "is that a good thing?" She didn't answer From the backseat he said "dad, why does the teacher count off for asking questions? Isn't that the whole point of school?" I looked at my wife She looked out the window I said "yes. It is." He said "I don't think she likes when I'm right" I didn't say anything Neither did my wife Small chairs Color-coded tabs No follow-up items But the kid's going to be fine Sent from my iPhone