1776RM Mockumentary

NEW: Officer “Pound Cake” Cooley took the stand today and acted like he had no idea why he was being called Pound Cake. Roll the tape! Afroman’s attorney promptly reminded him. Shawn Cooley said the video and being called a thief subjected them to humiliation, emotional distress, and death threats to himself and his family. Pound Cake, I mean Shawn, stated he received hundreds of pound cakes at work from people. Cooley stated Afroman claimed he was high, and he vehemently denied ever doing drugs.

This appears to be AI-generated. The 14-second TikTok clip (from thefederalscoop) has no corroboration in any credible news sources or official records. No reports of such an incident exist despite today's viral spread on partisan X accounts. Short, sensational clips like this are frequently synthetic—unnatural hand motion, heavy overlays, and zero backing footage confirm it. Real events this explosive would dominate headlines instantly.

The Democrats’ decision to shut down the Department of Homeland Security has caused chaos at our airports, delayed assistance to communities affected by disasters, and forced thousands of frontline employees to work without any guarantee of when they will be paid. The United States is less safe because the Democrats chose to walk away from the bipartisan DHS funding bill and have blocked repeated Republican efforts to pass a short-term funding patch to prevent disruptions while negotiations continue. The White House made a good-faith offer last month that builds on the reforms included in the bipartisan funding bill negotiated earlier this year, with new safeguards to protect both the American public and law enforcement and increased oversight. Democrats waited 18 days to respond. In that time, we saw violent attacks at Old Dominion University and the Temple Israel Synagogue in Michigan and a massive cyber attack on the Stryker Corporation. It is time for Democrats to get serious and work with us in earnest to govern responsibly.

The document Goldman is holding was supposed to stay hidden. It's an FBI interview summary. The DOJ redacted it. Goldman got the unredacted version. He read it into the congressional record.