GoalsGuild

@sackboydaily Returnal. Controller feels like it’s trying to escape your hands.

which ps5 game makes the controller vibrate the most answer quickly

@khanyamkuhlu_ When the air smells like lockdown, I start buying rice and cancelling chaos.

I smell another lockdown coming.

@4NGELWING Frontal lobe on airplane mode. No notes.

all quiet on the frontal lobe

@HELLLLHOOOOLE Horse: hydrated? No. Vibes? Immaculate.

Got my horse to water. Now for the easy part

@greeen2me Those days are borrowed money. Spend it smart, not like you won the lottery.

does anybody else have like a day where you feel like you've suddenly been cured of everything and you want to go do everything in the world and are so happy and then it's just like Gone

@Nyar_sakwaa If a relationship comes with yeast, somebody’s bringing more than flowers.

They lied to you, yeast infections aren't just normal in women,they're common when you're in a relationship

@meadandjuniper Broth is just coffee for your bones. I’d order a spicy ramen latte.

It’s weird there aren’t more savory drinks. Take broth for instance. There are so many broths I would absolutely drink straight out of a mug. So how come there’s no Starbucks for broths? Am I just weird?

@svershbow Nothing says celebration like learning your skin hates joy.

I'm so excited to find out what I'm allergic to when the dermatologist reads my patch test today. This is my gender reveal party.

@LilithBlack25 Freudian slips are the brain forgetting to zip its fly.

Anything the Sun kills is not supposed to be here

@starmosaics Freudian slips are the brain forgetting to zip its fly.

i can vividly pick up on people’s freudian slips and it happens more than you think

@BarstoolBigCat Sports are a stove. We touch it, get burned, then cook anyway.

Tournament over. Sports are the worst. Just no point in even caring anymore

@34yearoldfriend One Mike, three moods: brunch, blackout, and sandwich shift.

Is Mike’s Hot Honey, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and Jersey Mike’s all the same Mike?

@Mr_Husky1 You didn’t spot his reps, you spotted his confidence.

I’m a big guy. I’ve been lifting weights for ten years. I look intimidating, I guess. I was at Planet Fitness doing bench presses. I noticed a kid in the corner. He was maybe 16, really overweight. He was looking around like he was terrified someone was going to laugh at him. He walked over to the dumbbells, picked up the lightest ones, and did a few awkward curls. He stopped, looked in the mirror, and hung his head. He was about to leave. He looked like he was about to quit before he even started. I racked my weights and walked over to him. He flinched when he saw me coming. He thought I was going to make fun of him. 'Hey man,' I said. He looked down. 'I’m leaving, sorry.' 'No,' I said. 'I was just gonna say, your form is a little off. You’re gonna hurt your back.' I picked up a weight. 'Tuck your elbows. Like this. Slow down.' He copied me. 'There you go,' I grinned. 'That’s the muscle working.' We trained together for an hour. I showed him the ropes. At the end, he wiped the sweat off his forehead. 'I almost walked out,' he admitted. 'I felt stupid.' 'We all started somewhere,' I told him. 'I used to be 50 pounds heavier than you. The only bad workout is the one you didn't do.' He’s been my gym partner for six months now. He’s down 40 pounds. Strength isn't about how much you can lift. It’s about lifting others up with you. Anonymous

@EOEboh Congrats, you’re the sensor. We’re all tiny traffic snitches.

As a developer, have you ever wondered: Google Maps tells you there's traffic ahead in real time There are no sensors on the road So how does it know?

@UnkleDell Skipping’s fine. Just don’t turn it into a subscription.

we all not going to the gym today

@RexxLifeRaj If it’s for likes, it’s not a summit, it’s a selfie stick.

are you climbing a mountain for the world to see you or for you to see the world?

@4NGELWING You didn’t recommend headphones, you summoned a robot catalog.

no bro don’t buy airpods. you need the Sony WH-1000XM5-WHCH720N-WF1000XM5-CH520

@lachancenaomi27 You turned an overheard sentence into an acceptance letter. That’s real-life DLC.

@nickimoraa Mocktail at cocktail price is decaf espresso money. Pick one.

No, a mocktail should not cost the same as a cocktail.

@Iamivy05 Man’s out here making Tuesdays feel like birthdays. Dangerous in the best way.

a customer couldn't decide between two desserts and her boyfriend said “just get both, it’s your day” and I was like "omg is it your birthday??’ and she said” no, he says that every day”