Me, halfway through Uncut Gems: "Oh hey he's putting it together a bit he may make it out of this!"
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Kyle Ayers
29K posts
Kyle Ayers
@kyleayers
Comedian from Conan @neverseenitshow @boastrattle show on Sirius XM, clips, album, and me active on better social media sites in links ⤵️
Los Angeles, CA Inscrit le Mart 2009
2K Abonnements17.5K Abonnés
Watching Mizzou basketball makes me feel the same as watching Uncut Gems.
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Gotta start calling it the Federal Darwinism Agency
FactPost@factpostnews
The FDA has announced at least 7 people have contracted E. coli linked to cheddar cheese made from raw milk.
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@reynoldsgareth i just signed up today i'm so disappointed and i think i'm out $50
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Animated Short Film titles are always so whimsical compared to the movie’s themes. It’ll be like “Jimmy’s Bouncy Ball,” then that is a stop motion movie about dementia. #Oscars
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Kyle Ayers retweeté
Will be funny if Bam Adebayo scores 61 points in his last ever game.
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Question for the Old Heads out there.
Whats something that was just flat out better 15-20 years ago?
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once a month or so there's a joke on here that makes it feel how twitter used to feel
Alice Mills@millsalice144
Americans sometimes use French words like "hors d'oeuvres." And that's just for starters.
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Every Super Bowl ad is “hey here’s quick shots of stuff you like anyways let this computer think for you”
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If I was a quarterback my presnap cadence would be me trying to get the defensive players with updawg.
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It’s crazy living in Los Angeles you’ll randomly see your freaking neighbor in a Super Bowl commercial
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Why don't all of these right-wingers complaining about "Olympic skiers using their platforms to speak out" simply also get good enough at something to have a platform?
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yeah man we all saw you get rejected from a pedo island party for being too weird
Elon Musk@elonmusk
Whoever said “money can’t buy happiness” really knew what they were talking about 😔
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Brantley Gilbert, Lee Brice, and Gabby Barrett all sound like people who flip houses by installing a giant wagon wheel on the wall as art.
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San Francisco I'm there for SF Sketchfest tomorrow doing my hour of jokes about life in chronic pain. Would love it if you made it out to this show full of dark jokes. Please tell your friends in the Bay Area. sfsketchfest2026.sched.com/event/2BQxP/ky…
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Los Angeles Jan 19
SF Jan 24
My comedy show about living with chronic pain. Would love it if you made it out!
kyleayers.com/shows
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Kyle Ayers retweeté
A doctor tried to save Renee Good after she was shot in Minneapolis.
ICE agents stopped him.
They claimed they had medics.
They blocked paramedics down the road.
They refused all outside aid.
When the doctor identified himself as a physician, ICE’s response was simple:
“I don’t care.”
That’s a regime that decided she was disposable.
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Shut up you fucking losers we all saw the footage of it and the footage of you preventing doctors from helping.
Homeland Security@DHSgov
Today, ICE officers in Minneapolis were conducting targeted operations when rioters began blocking ICE officers and one of these violent rioters weaponized her vehicle, attempting to run over our law enforcement officers in an attempt to kill them—an act of domestic terrorism. An ICE officer, fearing for his life, the lives of his fellow law enforcement and the safety of the public, fired defensive shots. He used his training and saved his own life and that of his fellow officers. The alleged perpetrator was hit and is deceased. The ICE officers who were hurt are expected to make full recoveries. This is the direct consequence of constant attacks and demonization of our officers by sanctuary politicians who fuel and encourage rampant assaults on our law enforcement who are facing 1,300% increase in assaults against them and an 8,000% increase in death threats. This is an evolving situation, and we will give the public more information as soon as it becomes available.
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