Luca Matoke

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#OnThisDay in 2012... 🍿

@AfricanHub_ Shoving their hands into CAF's ass and moving them around like a puppet.

What is Morocco 🇲🇦 known for

@bakhita_esther Birds of a feather defend each other. Wakavinye is a w. What does that say about you? Your dude should attend next men's conference where chief guest Njugush will teach us. I promise to carry a pen and a paper for him!

Registering marital property under your mother's name is pure selfishness. If you do that, you might as well just marry your mother! I really hope Wakavinye stands her ground and demands her share.

@mwiine_bri66880 Shamba iko na kesi iondokee haraka kwa upesi.

Why do men run away when a woman tells them she has a kid? Why is it hard to marry a woman with a kid?

@PLforIndia @Arsenal Another bottler building castles in the air.

Do you agree with Arsene Wenger? 🤔 @Arsenal

@Tanaka_Footy Are you a low-key accountant if the BlueCo CLOWNLAKE CIRCUS?

If McFarlane wins the FA cup and qualifies for UCL do you reckon we make him permanent?

@KE_MrBlack That Undertaker of WWE is a bad evil guy/witch who switches off lights before coming into the ring. Turns out he's a real gentleman. It's all scripted acting.

What is the stupidest thing you believed as a child?😂

@Abu2541 @RealNate08 Outreach.

@RealNate08 Jaribu Lungalunga Mzee, zinalipisha mbao lakini ikifika kwa maji dere anaslow kwanza muinue miguu juu🤔

Route gani hii Nairobi hukua na the oldest matatus?

@FrankKhalidUK Ancelloti, Conte and Tuchel. Unfair sackings.

Which one of these Chelsea managers should never of been sacked?

That boy who planted 2,400 trees or is it 24k in 24hours, Did more for the Environment, than the Girl who dry humped a Tree while wearing one panty for 72 hrs (gross violation of coochie) But you won't see that boy being invited to State House or hyped by media Gender my ass!

@NUFC Magpies, do us proud. Please. Win.

A trip to the Emirates comes next 🔜

@FayChep476320 So Prof Wajackoyah is useless? Wah.

Any man that is still schooling at the age of 30 is a useless man in my books 🤣

@Kenyans How did we get here?

Gaucho addresses doctors at Mama Lucy Hospital following his appointment to the board

@SolidKroket Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Nombra DOS ciudades de Japón, sin usar Google

@KE_MrBlack @nickimoraa William Ruto.

What’s a scam we’ve normalized so much that it doesn’t even feel like a scam anymore?

@_MtuTano She will not find someone of Njugush's value. Believe me. But Njugush will get someone younger with firm breasts and of 18-24 body mass index.

Haha, Njugush can start over again with a fine habesha queen. Lakini huko kwa wakafinywa mtu kuanza 2-0 ni noma. Labda atafute jaruo jinga kama ule wa kuchunga bibi yake akitingisha matako kwa club, anaitwa Lapudo kana ke??

@9zerobillion Tiebreaker rules apply here. Same points ✅ Same GD ✅ Next tiebreaker = goals scored — and Manchester City (on 66) have more than Arsenal (on 63). If they were the same, they'd go to head to head and then a playoff game.

Why is City ontop already when we have thesame points and same goal difference as them?

@stayEminent Even if Burnley won all their remaining 4 matches, the maximum points they could reach (32) wouldn’t be enough to overtake position 17 (West Ham) that already has 33 points even if West Ham lost all their remaining fixtures.

But how are they relegated when they're 11 points behind Tottenham ? What if they win all their remaining 4 matches (12 points) and spurs lose theirs

@BalogunSonia4 Stupidity.

Cheating on somebody you don’t wanna lose… with somebody you don’t even wanna keep is called what?

@_Afcbanks After using points and goal difference, which are currently tied, they go to goals scored. City have scored more goals (66) than Arsenal have scored (63). A difference of 3. That's why.

Someone explain to me as a 5 year old why Arsenal ain’t top when we all have the same number of goal difference and points even alphabetically “A” comes first than “M”