Simone

“Quarantine” Full video on YouTube! youtu.be/mu-bNxnCbLk

Great rally in Kenosha. 4,000 people came out to say: NO tax breaks for billionaires. NO cuts to Medicaid. NO oligarchy. NO authoritarianism. NO MORE billionaires buying elections.

Optimist: “Glass is half full.” Pessimist: “Glass is half empty.” ADD: “Where did I put my glass?”

@wordsmithlegend Birds of a feather in a sea breeze are not a threat together. Ominous

Birds of a feather ______.(fill in blank) together.

I’m “I remember when tomatoes had taste” years old

When someone says “my friend is so hot I don’t know why she’s single!” It’s her personality Sharon. It’s her personality.

@RavenZech2 7 and 6 😊 could do a lot of good with both!

4 & 7

Hear me out… Monopoly but with sugar daddies. So if you land on someone else’s property they’ll pay your rent.

@Miss__Kitty__ So sorry 😢

My dad just passed away tragically about an hour ago, I’m lost

Titles of books I’ve never written include:

The irony of it almost being hump day for No Nut November.

Ditto

Please rate marriage on a scale of 1-10. Would you recommend? 😂

@Talk_To_The_Hat Like a mouse with cheese

Once you’ve been single awhile you realise there’s no sex good enough for you to be putting up with anyone’s shit

Why aren’t people nicer to their exes? I think we should be nice to anyone who could describe our genitalia to a forensic composite sketch artist with the accuracy that would have us picked in a line up.

I had no idea OG stood for “Old Guy”

@tea_n_cake89 😭💛

We had to let our gorgeous girl, Button go today. 14 years old and the best dog ever. I will miss you forever, gwiz 🧡

My mum doesn’t get hangovers she “gets tired” A couple of times she was SO tired she asked us to go get her McDonalds at 10 in the morning.

@KennyLe56476439 🤣🤣🤣

What you want seems to change with age. In your 20s you’re looking for fun In your 30s you’re looking for marriage material In your 40s you’re looking for a place to nap