matt

i'm going to fucking destroy my nephews and niece in the egg hunt this sunday

@losdrogas Yes or you can watch it at 2x speed

@losdrogas Here's a reading tip: see if there's a movie version of the book. You can just watch that instead and it's a much faster way to read

@mrgracemugabe thats right matt, putting a bunch of yes-men in charge of the army is something that never backfires.

If there is one thing history has taught us, it’s that purging your military leadership right before a major offensive always works out great

@intellegint @necrobranson i didn't think you guys would ever sell out and go hollywood...

Checking out the Glendale Best Buy later with @necrobranson You just gotta go when you’re out here

@MaddieAboutU we need to stick together in solidarity so that people understand our disease better

@MattsBestTweets wow i have the same thing

due to my arfid i will require dinosaur chicken nuggets for dinner at your wedding. thank you for understanding my affliction, which i struggle with every day. also i'm only allowed to drink beer.

@Limited__Alex i heard they wrote that on the ceiling where you're at

@Limited__Alex they april fooled your dumb ass

@tom_on_here @NwistyOnline fake. fake cookies. you made the picture with gork

@MattsBestTweets @NwistyOnline ?

Stop ✋ Look at these banana bread chocolate chip cookie I made, now proceed ➡️

@tom_on_here @NwistyOnline They look like shit too. AI slop.

@NwistyOnline You’re dumb as fuck

I found them. They were in the glove compartment but wedged in the back in such a way that they were almost unnoticeable. It feels good to have them back in my life.

i can't find my insanely cool sun glasses, which is a big problem because it'll be summer before you know it, and i want to look insanely cool

@COAbrah_ well, I might wear it again. Maybe I'll wear it to work tomorrow. I dunno.

@MattsBestTweets Like, If you're not going to wear it I'll take it.

Guys check out this cool hat I found

@glad_clown_dad I think candied fruit is more like fruit that is candy

@MattsBestTweets No way. Candied fruit is like gold. All of those trays are worth as much as your car

Hot Cross Buns

@glad_clown_dad I can do $8.50 final offer

@MattsBestTweets If you want a tray it'll be $18

@Limited__Alex april fool

@Limited__Alex I read they're going to grill Jonathan

I am going to fool so many people tomorrow