matt

2 year old nephew's favorite phrase is "butt penis" and it lands with the uncles every time.

We told my nephew we're going to the juice store (brewery)

Won Catan earlier. Longest road and largest army. Easy for me. I have a strategic mind.

Everyone liked my pizzas. That makes me feel good. Now it's time for me to get Fucked Up.

@kadeorkhalid Kei(d) truck

@kadeorkhalid @tom_on_here I've hung out with Tom many times and I can say with supreme confidence that Tom is an ally.

@tom_on_here do you enjoy attacking vulnerable men of colour?

@bertovo @d_boeckner Wow. Canadian excellence. Across the continent.

Incredible Things Happening In Toronto

going to the river tomorrow. and I am going to get Fucked Up. except for the afternoon/evening where I will be making 6-8 pizzas for everyone. I will be dead sober for that. I wouldn't dare ruin pizza night. But once the pizzas are done? I will be getting fucked up.

@kadeorkhalid @NwistyOnline he said "fooling" 🫵😆 also, I didn't eat a sandwich today so I think you're right

@NwistyOnline fooling thing to say? what?

Saved from having to read Sabres fans post for the rest of the playoffs, cursed to have to read Montreal fans post for at least one more round

@i_zzzzzz i've talked to a few pucks in my time and most of them say "man, i wish i was a ball" - but that's just anecdotal

Hockey is interesting but I would love to know how the puck feels about everything that’s going on

@E1podcast never heard of any of these. i've only read the bible. thats the book they have at church, which is where i go before i'm allowed to eat a medium well steak at out back steak house. every sunday on sunday. after church

This one is to hard 😡📕

@Integrity_Freak Surrender your iphone, rebel (pronounced as "i fin")

@MattsBestTweets Halt! Your Northface hath betrayed you, time traveling teen!

cant decide if i want buffalo or montreal to win tonight. on the one hand, fuck montreal. but! on the other hand, fuck buffalo. impossible to choose. i guess i am hoping for a devastating 2OT loss for whoever loses.

@Integrity_Freak If I was George Washington's Time Travel Spy I would have changed out of the puffer vest and a hoodie probably.

Post an opinion about time travel adventures that will have you like this

Two weeks ago he posted his recipe for Thanksgiving turkey. I would have waited until November probably, personally, but I respect his vision.

Haven't talked to him in years but I recently learned the weird guy I used to work with got laid off and he's been posting his cooking blog on linked in a lot in the meantime. I read every recipe. Todays was about cooking steak in the microwave.

5 day weekend coming up. Going to the river with my friends for shenanigans. I think it will be pretty good, and fun, and I believe that I won't fall into the river at night.

too hot out today. someone needs to do something about this. it's too hot.