Pento

@therealkimj I left my wallet home while traveling to the airport, then left my phone on the plane while getting off.. 😪🤕

what’s the shittiest thing that’s happened to you this weekend?

@Pornhub for one month, can you make it so State IDs are required in order to access content, Watch laws change really quick.. #WomensRights #PlannedParenthood #thefirstamendment

@elonmusk please confirm you wont make Twitter request State id, Passports, SS Number or DNA sample a Requirment to have an account, I mean how much more easier do they want Indentiy thief for hackers "WHEN!" breached.🤯 #helpkeeppersonalinfopersonal #justmypersonalopinoin

@jaxdellosso 😂

No one liking this tweet is how I know every person with a vagina has muted me

Doctor: you can have the pills that clear up your symptoms in 3 days but you can’t drink alcohol OR you can use the cream for 7 days and not have sex GIVE ME CREAM

@c0ochy That's a clean bathroom. 👍

new hair who want me😭

@jaxdellosso Not on an empty stomach.. 😂

Ever just want to ravenously eat pussy or???

@jaxdellosso You have replied.. yeah, You got a good lawyer? 😊

The dude who just delivered my pizza

@jaxdellosso Sorry buddy, perhaps go to the movies it works for me.. Love that I have alpine theater a couple blacks away.

@junique_marie Claim him as a dependant on your taxes.. 😂

Time too buy some Facebook Stock.JK 😇 🤣

@therealkimj You should host an IBS and Lactose intolerant Networking Event.! 😂 #nocandles

ibs queens and kings wya?

@jaxdellosso You got some splaining too do.. 😂

I got the vaccine and it made me pregnant

So after all these years I've finally figured out "what the Rock was cooking?".. It was a little girl he left in a cave... Jk 😂 but seriously @TheRock can you please make a sequel too Moana?! #yourwelcome #boardmyboat #moana2 #pleasedisney @

@jaxdellosso This makes me feel sad and ignorant to how much I don't know about ignorance and how white privilege really works.. 💔😷🥺

This shit wouldn’t fly in a fucking McDonald’s. Why is this behavior tolerated in our House of Representatives? Harassment is a crime, but it’s just completely overlooked in government jobs?

@jaxdellosso The only Good news is with Allergies and a Mask on people will give your personal space and then some. 😂

Who can relate?

Hey @Seamless @Grubhub, this Earth day I beg you to please make a change to your apps allowing customers the option of opting out of getting extra napkins, plastics utensils, and condiments they don't need or want to waste. Thx #Letsalldobetter #earthday

@jaxdellosso That’s scary as fuck..

Someone just sent me my address on Snapchat

@jaxdellosso So sorry, I’m so glad I didn’t take you up on the offer to be roped in with those freaks.. I seriously was going to have you come to my place just to pick up some Cannolis from Villabate Alba I got for you just for being awesome..

Love that the people I delivered meals to on thanksgiving are using the opportunity of having my phone number to harass me and make me feel uncomfortable ☺️☺️☺️☺️ next delivery, women and gays only. Straight men have to ruin everything

@jaxdellosso I’ve done this to get away from my girl once it’s so annoying when they won’t let something go and on and on belittling you..

Just jumped out of a moving car to get away from someone verbally abusing me. I literally give no fucks anymore 😂

@jaxdellosso How’s are you going to explain her to your step father /husband? 😂

I came out as bi at 30 and thought my family would be weirder about it but they just forced me do standup abt being bi in their kitchen for their conservative Texas friends who hated it. Anyway the Italian half of my family still doesn’t know and prob won’t til they meet my wife