Today is my birthday - no really, no, no. No need for wishes.
I have been told wisdom is supposed to kick in at some point.
C’mon wisdom.
A little late to the party.
I am at that weird age where I want absolutely no one to recognize my birthday - AT THE SAME TIME, I want to start the day with a champagne shower and end it with a parade.
My dad has reminded me numerous times that his job was to keep me alive until I was 18. I get it. Helmets, padding, safeguards, rules, laws, etc. will only get so far. Parents need to do some work to keep their kids upright.
I have now kept me alive for almost twice as long as my parents.
Reason for celebration.
But, now I am old.
I see a lot of phrases about this - old as dirt, old as time, etc.
Read the room folks. There are people older than you. That does not make them feel better. Although, old as sin at least presents some options.
Plus, the older the ones know what’s about to happen.
This is what they have taught me.
You’re going to start eating bran like creatine, you might need help to… get out of a chair - yeah remember when you jumped over that 6-foot tall fence (barely, it ripped half off your shorts and your junk was out) -, and you will tell the same story 12 times to the same person, only remembering their name half the time.
Now, to the fence-jumping, junk-showing you this would be horrific.
Not me. Not today. Teach me Sensei. Tell me how to use it to my advantage.
I need to take edibles for my glaucoma.
Senior coupons - the old-person antithesis of a fake ID - you really want to check if I’m a senior?
I can’t carry that, I can’t drive there, and every once in a while if you’re stuck, I’m too old for this shit.
I’m old.
Let’s have a good time and, if you want, throw a parade for me next year…or at least bring some champagne.
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