Garic Goblinhewer

Another early night, a lifetime away.

@dinahaddie She sounds amazing.

every night I’m in this kid’s room like

On tonight’s episode of Why Is My Daughter Like This: after I put her to bed, read to her, tucked her in, and asked if she’d like me to refill the cup of water on her nightstand, she replied by explaining to me - at length and in great detail - the entire plot of The Lion King.

@LittleMissLizz Strange how sometimes you can literally hear things when you read them.

No one: Absolutely no one: Not a single, solitary soul: Me, washing my hair in the shower & screeching at a level birds understand: “YOU CONSIDER ME THE YOUNG APPRENTICE, CAUGHT BETWEEN THE SCYLLA AND CHARBIDES…”

@iamAtheistGirl Caveman: “Check it out, I just made fire.” Cavewoman: “Well, guess what I just made while you were out hunting for a month.”

@dinahaddie I hear you. Sometimes I really get on my nerves.

Fuck’s sake it’s like I don’t even know how to be alive

I just got annoyed at the sound of my OWN chewing.

@uscfan981 It’s not Mississippi.

Say something nice about Kentucky.

@patriottakes Clear homoeroticism with the mostly naked muscular man strangling his own huge snake. They’re so weird.

MAGA accounts sometimes post the strangest things

@rahsh33m I’m thinking I never have any interaction with waitstaff after I sign the slip with my tip amount. How would I receive a handwritten note from them at that point in time?

@mistressdivy Worth1000. It introduced me to the concept of professional looking Photoshops.

What’s a "lost" website from the early 2000s that you still think about today?

I finally found the secret ingredient that will put my cooking over the top.

@RYboating So when medically assisted death accounts for 5% and cancer for 25%, how is it the #1?

I didn't realize that assisted suicide in Canada is now the #1 killer. I agree with Sec. Kennedy that it is immoral and doesn't belong in the US. Life is precious and should be treated as such.

@Nickdvdzd @cape_wrestles Should have let Brock keep doing it and ban Kidman.

@cape_wrestles and his Wrestlemania botch is the reason why they banned the move and only Billy Kidman and later Evan Bourne were allowed to use it. Paul London explains this that he was punished for doing it in a match.

Brock Lesnar Shooting Star Press compilation. Being so athletic at that size is criminal 😬 (wrestlestage on IG)

When you’re young you hear the music. When you’re older you hear the words.

@AdamsMidwest @MS2PZ My sister is almost exactly 10 years younger. So at 12/2 I was 6x her age. 15/5 only 3x. 20/10 only twice. Math is fun.

@MS2PZ I like to use this information to tell younger people they are aging faster than me. You were 50% of my age. Now your 97%!!

You're 6 years old and your brother is half your age but you're now 60. How old is your brother?

@AgathaChocolats So, I looked for moving companies.

In six words or fewer, write a story about this photo. #sixwordstory #WritingCommmunity

I am so tired.

Wallowing because I didn’t get a job I applied for. Not the first, likely won’t be the last, and I’m fortunate to be employed. Still stings a bit though.

I still think of the time in college when I was talking to this girl at work and I described myself as a homebody and she said if I was there she probably would be too. I didn’t get it until much later in my life.

@DrPronoun @JenResistedAGN Defending slavery is not the flex you think it is.

@HistoryDwarf @JenResistedAGN Maybe owning people is not the moral tragedy you think it is. Just because today's DNC has to bring it up as a topic in EVERY SINGLE ISSUE, does not mean the rest of the history of the world was so myopic.

If your holy book contains passages about how to beat slaves and sell daughters, it is not an infallible guide to morality.

@DrPronoun @JenResistedAGN Point is, when they were covering not murdering, not stealing, not coveting, a little blurb about not owning other people as property might have been helpful.

@JenResistedAGN So God needs to be politically correct before forming theological principles?