Ben Asher

Roe vs. Wade doesn't make sense to many people. I think the Supreme Court should rule that the Miami Heat must sign both Roe and Wade to play together.

The recording on my doctor's office phone says "If this is a true medical emergency hang up and dial 911" But it never tells me what to do in a fake medical emergency.. which is especially unfortunate for hypochondriacs who are having a true-fake medical emergency.

TONIGHT! The @nycomedyfest presents #ArthurAvenue Comedy with Ben Asher 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics perform long sets @himishahan @julianna_maher @benasher @MichaelHComedy RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh

TONIGHT! Presented by @nycomedyfest 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics perform long sets on 11/9 @himishahan @julianna_maher @benasher @MichaelHComedy RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh #Fordham

Arthur Avenue Comedy with Ben Asher is TONIGHT! at Clinton Hall Bronx with @himishahan @julianna_maher @benasher @MichaelHComedy

Wednesdays! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics performing long sets on November 2nd @carmenlagala @JayNog @benasher Ben Miller @LauraHigh5 RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy #makeNYlaugh #Fordham

Catch me on stage tonight in Queens on @CharlesMcBee's Nerd Is The New Black @QEDAstoria at 7:30pm. This is always a great show.

If Jesus were alive today he would have become an OB-GYN who performs abortions.

Wednesdays! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on #ArthurAvenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Top comics performing long sets on 9/14 @IbrahimKhalif83 @benasher @funnyaaron James Mac @ginnyhogan_ @hothingsgirlsay RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy

The UK is a nation of great actors. Millions of people performing ceremonial, symbolic mourning of a ceremonial, symbolic monarch.

I'm the best kept secret on twitter. So don't ruin it.

The reason why Donald Trump was keeping so many documents containing human intelligence sources is because he was hoping they would finally give him some human intelligence.

@lizzzzzielogan We'll mention it even if the character in the movie is not Jewish!

Spending any amount of your life posting on twitter in order to gain more followers is behavior worse than trolling. Have something urgent to say.

Apps that tell you how big your fetus is compared to sizes of fruits or vegetables is really useful if you want to eat more than just the placenta after you give birth, but you don't know how many cannibals to invite for dinner.

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 29th @brianjian @benasher @glennjcohen @Fatdocdee Chris Warren RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYC #CtComedy #NYComedy

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 15th @aaaaronweaver @IncomparableMsC @ChrisCyrComedyy @daniel_vezza @benasher RSVP for FREE ArthurAve.eventbrite.com #NYC #Comedy

I just witnessed a conversation with a wackjob Texas gun nut who actually said, "I'm not anti-abortion... Just anti-roe v wade... I'm pro-choice." I'd hate to know what he'd be against if he claimed to be anti-abortion.

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st Featuring top comics performing long sets on August 15th @garysharpcomedy @patriciadiddy @benasher @tommyamado @notannefrankk RSVP for FREE arthurave.eventbrite.com #NYC #Fordham #Comedy

Stay tuned for upcoming tour dates for my new hour of stand-up comedy: "Genital Inspections"

Every Monday! 9pm Stand-Up Comedy in the Bronx on Arthur Avenue @ClintonHallNY 601 E 189th st @benasher presents top comics performing long sets. 8/8 @benasher will be work-shopping material for his new half-hour RSVP for FREE arthurave.eventbrite.com #NYC #Fordham