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I have been left destitute after sexting over a telegraph with my long distance chimney sweep boyfriend because I keep asking for consent again whenever he says STOP at the end of a sentence.
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eel enthusiast 🦐
25.6K posts
eel enthusiast 🦐
@cheascake
same jester, new court
universal basic white girl 参加日 Aralık 2020
640 フォロー中2.7K フォロワー
eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
weird day where it's like well i do have a workout class this evening but do i go to it in case we do nuclear war at 8
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Didn't go to the store last week and did not defrost my stew so today we have shredded carrot and vanilla yogurt in a fiber tortilla
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eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
blue collar is when the customers want to hit you and white collar is when your coworkers want to hit you.
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eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
Ugly as hell, stinking, mouth agape and drooling with my knuckles dragging on the ground. Back in the grocery store.
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I have a coworker who lives on chocolate milk and limes and like once a week I find myself envious until I remember I have bigger biceps and then I'm Cured
ER!S@bstract_thot
cultural brainwashing is crazy. i'm watching The Substance & every time Margaret Qualley comes on i think "man i'm not doing enough i gotta lose weight" literally an ant watching a documentary about exterminators and thinking "man that blood-dissolving sugar poison looks good"
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living in new jersey is a lot like being cinderella because every time i want to go home from a night out i have to go before the PATH turns into a pumpkin and the operators turn back into rats
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eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
the worst part of living with my wife is that i’m also living with all her intrusive thoughts like last night as we were falling asleep i said “i hope that you sleep well” and then through the darkness she replied “i hope that whenever i die you die at the exact same time”
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eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
my wife thinks I'm a genius but she also disagrees with me sometimes, implying she sees herself as some kind of super-genius. yet she denies this
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eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
eel enthusiast 🦐 がリツイート
