eel enthusiast 🦐

I have been left destitute after sexting over a telegraph with my long distance chimney sweep boyfriend because I keep asking for consent again whenever he says STOP at the end of a sentence.

I wonder how he's doing

I got that dog in me, but it's a working dog. Like a border collie. If I go too long without a project I just start eating the couch

The CIA has begun to experiment with a new advanced interrogation technique known as the Kroger self-checkout

What if we kissed at the baby yoda burger king

Guy who works at Pets dot com : lots of people are mentioning Pets dot com at the office 📈🔥

boss asking for daily check ins, I'm gonna start filling out one of these and putting it in slack

What is peter teal email??

There no peptide for disaplin BTW

Cute pet names for your partner

Protein shakes? 3.4 oz or less, but rotisserie chickens??? As many as you can fit in your carry-on.

I'm locked so I can tell folks now I got a mostly full ride to seminary but if you want to donate money for me to buy my books uhhh please do or retweet

putting my prized apple pie on this windowsill… here, on the top floor of the world trade center

Religious leaders told 'prepare now' for UFO disclosure to unleash Bible-changing revelations

tony soprano summer (panic attacks, grilling sausages, making no progress in therapy, pool nap, repeating the same mistakes, ice cream sundae dinner)

Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! facebook.com/DonaldTrump/po…

starvation fun fact! i am now covered in fur (much like a little mouse) and also infertile (not like a little mouse)

Tap to pay is a symptom of a feminized society. You should be penetrating the chip reader

New young lady/old lady gestalt switch optical illusion just dropped, the sexy daffy/angler's bass gestalt switch

Huge green flag for me is if she was radicalized on YouTube in 2016 into eating a banana-based diet