Jon Welch

@elprestionie @fesshole

@fesshole Begs the question, what do you do when you see ads for a large automobile?

When I see a beautiful house I can't afford being advertised by estate agents on Facebook, I sometimes write 'Stunning house, but I couldn't live there after what happened' in the comments, then sit back and watch the replies.

HULK SMASH AUCTION RECORD!

@SohrabAhmari Ml

Never seen such widespread Catholic anger. Global. A watershed.

@martinkelner @talkSPORT Pheasantville, The Death of Starling, Moorhens from Outer Space #birdersfilmclub

1am @talkSPORT #birdersfilmclub Nest Side Story, Guano Country For Old Men, Inglorious Bustards, Any film starring Peter Finch, Russell Crow, Gregory Peck or Walter Pigeon, Beverly Hills Cock

@russclaydon Sorry to read this, Russell. Have enjoyed reading your stories over the years (still remember your Jimmy Carr encounter). Good luck with whatever comes next.

🚨 PERSONAL NEWS 🚨 Almost exactly 15 years on from joining 5 papers based at the Bury Free Press, I have sadly been made redundant. My last day saw my team-mates present me with an alternative back page 💙 Thanks to everyone who has read articles or given me an interview #itfc

@xandvt Maybe there are some decent ones but ours is AEG and it's fine as an oven but awful as a microwave. No turntable so food doesn't cook evenly. Plus something blows evrry few months. Had engineer round about five times so far.

Does anyone have an oven that has a built-in microwave? Are they any good? It seems like a helpful way to save space - but I am suspicious of it as a bad compromise.

Come back Keith Prowse, all is forgiven.

@distantpod. Hi chaps. You may enjoy this video. Suspect @MikeBubbins will appreciate the fashions, if nothing else. Cheers.

@fenlandgent Just finished it. Excellent.

Got this impulse loan from library y’day morning (it was on the returns shelf by the desk). Read first page when I got home & haven’t really stopped. About 2/3rds way through. It’s simultaneously true crime, political history & and a page-turning Day of the Jackal thriller.

@alexmorrison81 After confirming his identity, all I could say was: "To be honest, we'd heard that you'd died. I can see you haven't, and I'm very pleased about that."

@alexmorrison81 News ed had heard a rumour that a local eccentric, who had been at the centre of a previous story some years before I joined the paper, had died. I was sent to check it out. Didn't expect him to open the door when I knocked, obviously.

@alexmorrison81 Got sent on a death knock for someone who wasn't dead. Took a bit of explaining when he opened the door.

@fenlandgent I was there 10 days ago, eating at that very same KFC. Unfortunately all the window tables were occupied. Hope you have better luck.

I am excited that where I am currently staying is within walking distance of Leicester Forest East Services. I am going to go there for lunch; a KFC bucket & a Krispy Kreme on the bridge cafe as I watch the traffic flow freely northwards and southwards.

@fenlandgent @rickbur1n I'm never far away, if that doesn't sound too sinister.

@JonMWelch @rickbur1n I was excited to hear* that you were still here *see

Watched first two of the latest series of Planet of the Apes films last night. Not bad, I thought, good pace, some substance, excellent effects, but then, about every 20 mins or so, i would suddenly realise that I’m a 56 yr old man watching a film about talking monkeys.

@fenlandgent @rickbur1n The only tweets I send now (are they even still called that?) are involuntary.

@JonMWelch @rickbur1n Excellent. Fwiw, I was madly googling Internet acronyms, LLol.

@fenlandgent @rickbur1n Easy for me to say. (I think we can safely say that was a pocket tweet, sorry.)

@JonMWelch @rickbur1n ?

@fenlandgent @rickbur1n WiF xfgmyxY

@rickbur1n Exactly that. When the main monkey speaks for the first time with his sudden, dramatic, cry of NO! I burst out laughing. (i did think they were a cut above most franchise films. I wasn’t bored and I’m fond of any film that makes a ruin of Californian cities)

I enjoyed writing this feature about @saulwordsworth. Fascinating story and I thoroughly recommend his podcast.

Pleased to have played a tiny role in helping to arrange this momentous meeting... bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan…

@rickedwards1 Genuinely thought that bloke hailing the Moon landing a few minutes ago was Jeff from Curb Your Enthusiasm.