It's been a long time. One year and five days, to be exact.
Life took over and I got overwhelmed, the care needs of the people around me swamped me and I became unable to juggle creativity alongside those.
For some reason, all of those posts about collectors feeling "rugged" ...
@saucebook Thank you Mark ♥️
It's good to drop in & see so many folks still doing their thing.
Sometimes you're given no choice over which path you take, I guess this is mine for now.
when an artist disappears, popped into my head this morning, so I thought I'd make a post and try catch up with you good folks.
I was caring for my (mid 90s) parents, (my Dad died in June), also in June my partner of 27 years was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Things are rough.
Quickie before bedtime, whipped up with @suno_ai_ and @NoiseeAi
Best seen as a collaboration, since the lyric was inspired by @LoveFromGaia's interesting mantra "'I am not the thought, I am awareness of the thought.'"
Which was a response to last night's post on creativity and flow state.
Mixed with a healthy dose of influence from Thom Gunn's Vox Humana poem, which has stuck with me since studying it in my teens.
Anyhoo, let's call it Vox Animae, and leave the lyric below for those who like to read what they're hearing.
Have a good night all!
I am not my thoughts
I am their observer
Watching their torrential flow
From the banks of the river
I am the calm before the dream
The canvas not the artist
A channel for all that comes
From the mind's midnight forest
What lurks before creation
Seems formless still and vague
Until it flows through pen and voice
From soul to light of day
The gist is: I am not going to do things that don’t bring me joy anymore if I have a choice.
The practical result of that is that I am no longer going to “fight” to be visible on X anymore.
So you if you care about my art or me, please turn on notifications.
I took a 5 day break from X, the first real break I have taken in 2 years. Time away made me realize how much it has hurt my confidence sharing work that only gets a handful of interactions. That’s not because my work is bad, but because the algo won’t even show it to but to a few people.
Going forward, I am only going to post things when I want to share, not when and how X wants me to share to keep from being invisible.
I’ve been in this invisibility prison for most of a year. I’ve tried to follow all the “rules”, but I’m continually shadowbanned.
I’ve paid for the blue checkmark (hidden because it feels like blackmail) and it’s done nothing to help me not be suppressed as was promised.
I’ve tried “breaking out of my bubble” and engaging with people on conversational threads, only to see my replies be hidden for no reason. It’s extremely frustrating to spend time to write thoughtful replies that no one sees and it happens even with people who follow me.
I’ve even tried the “reply guy” thing but it felt fake was and too time consuming/wasting. I don’t want to (and shouldn't have to) spend all my free time monitoring X lists and waiting for some big account to post something I can reply to first.
But what has been the worst is spending several hours every day making art finished enough to share and getting very few interactions. That has worn me down and I owe myself better. I could be using that time to finish more intricate work and promote it in other forums and get better interaction or sales. Or just have that time without pressure to let creativity flow instead of being on a deadline every single day to produce and post share-worthy content which is barely seen.
So for all those who judge artists by their endurance of putting effort in every day and still being constantly underexposed while expecting us to be continually positive about it, well, sorry (not sorry) to disappoint you.
What is best for my mental health is no longer being abused and gaslit by this “social media” platform which won’t let me socialize.
I still have available work.
I still make art every day.
I am still going to finish my Flower of the Month Club 2023 project because I committed to it.
But I am done being a pawn in the X-game.
I am still “here”, but from now on, it’s on my terms, not the algo’s.
I haven’t “left”, or “rug pulled”, even if you don’t see my posts.
That means when I do post (since it won’t be at least twice a day like clockwork, prepping with replies to “prime” impressions and making sure not to RT anything within 45 minutes or add a link to a post announcing new mints) it will be shouting into a void and I know that.
I will still check DMs and would love to hear from those who have supported me or just befriended me whenever you’d like to say hello.
Wish me luck with the new ventures for my art that are not on X and not NFTs that I will be focused on with my reclaimed time and energy.
And please don’t forget about me, as much as X wants you to.
A handful of stories.
Each story opens new trajectories, like possible fractal paths. Each branch a road to new branches. Some tales catch each other by the tail, some end where others begin.
10/12 5xtz
After 5weeks and Millions of pen strokes
I have finished this piece!
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I have learnt resilience and the character of @kobebryant has taught me what it means to chase my dreams!
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