steve j

RIP Koby Teeth, you would’ve loved the Iran war 💔

If you fart in an awkward situation: (a cheat sheet!!) - make eye contact with them - nod slowly, but confidently - say calmly, and a bit smugly “your move.”

Decided ima go to Sioux Falls for my honey moon, but if they’re closed then we’re going to Iraq

I know it’s like her job or whatever, but that stripper was totally into me dude. Trust.

Hypothetical matchup: me vs a dui checkpoint

I wonder how the Jews are gonna celebrate 9/11 this year

Been on a bender to celebrate my bday. It’s been three days so far! My bday is 2 months away, gonna keep this ball rolling.

I hope this email finds you at the lowest point in your life

Happy birthday to my buddy, Stinky McFuckface! AKA Jack Hoffsalot. Have a goodun, Jackie!!

I love when Mike Tyson calls me thweet cheekth

Just started thinking you could win em all. Nope. Turns out you can’t win em all. (Got caught cranking hog in the company truck)

@jackhoffal0t If they ain’t, then it’s a square 🤫💯

If your circle isn’t discussing beer and Lynyrd Skynyrd at 7 am on a Friday, find a new circle

@SenWarren Lower the prices the previous administration created? Give it time. Fuckin num skull

It’s Super Bowl Sunday and Donald Trump has done pretty much nothing to lower your grocery costs. The President needs to buckle down and deliver on his promises.

@Michell33650674 Drink a water you goofy bitch

New evidence is coming out, every day, that Trump, Musk, and GOP sycophants RIGGED the 2024 election with the help of Russia. I've known this since 11/06/24. Impeaching Trump won't be enough. Most Americans did not vote for them. The entire crew need to EXPELLED and ARRESTED.

@joncoopertweets Jon cooper is a fuckin pussy

Trump is such a vile, disgusting, cruel, selfish, and heartless man. He doesn’t have a shred of human decency — none whatsoever. No compassion. No mercy. No shame. No heart. No soul. Of course, everyone knows that, but it still needs to be said at every opportunity.

My body is a machine that turns gas station hot dogs into fuck fuel

Bill gates named his company after my weenie… Microsoft.

Call my pecker the winter solstice. Short and cold, but can only get longer from here

Found a really sexy dinosaur fossil today while digging. Gave me a Jurassic boner