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Greyโ๏ธ๐ฅญใ๐ใ
14.8K posts
Greyโ๏ธ๐ฅญใ๐ใ
@greydayagain
transneutral nonbinary who has given up on being better & wants a place to vent, sh/edtwt, 170cm bmi:?? pro recovery & not fatphobic @greynightagain
23, autistic, they / them ๐ธ๐ช ๊ฐ์
์ผ Ocak 2024
295 ํ๋ก์299 ํ๋ก์
@monsterultrabpd thank you๐ซ
not quite sure what i would need but i always appreciate regardless, thank you๐ฉถ
eventually i fell asleep so at least for now i'm calmer (*ยดใผ๏ฝ*)
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@greydayagain im so sorry grey ๐ซ๐ซ im here for you if you need ! i hope things can get a little easier soon
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i want any sh i would do to get infected rather than healed
thats how disgusting im currently feeling
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is it possible for others irl to notice how absolutely disgusting my existence is..?
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i don't know
if i want to hide in my own space barely moving letting time help me rot
or
if i want to be held in someone's arm while i cry for an eternity
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if anything as with all else thats going on with me
i dont want to get better
ill give into it
let it destroy me alongside everything else
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recently i keep using words like disgust, rot, deteriorating & similar when referring to myself
i wonder how long itll take if this path leads me to the word contamination
i already wash my hands a lot cause textures bothers me
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i dont see any way out of this
i'm not even gonna be stuck like this since somehow i keep breaking through rock bottom
never ever has a pause been given to me
things has only gotten worse mentally as time goes on
i really do feel like im deteriorating
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i want wounds to cover my body
to have them get infected rather than healed
thats how disgusting im currently feeling
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cant make my frame smaller
so what if i empty what it contains?
i need to start sh again where i just let it drip
let some of my existence slowly drip out of me drop for drop
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its never been about weight & kcals
its always been about measurements & volume
i dont even wanna drink water if that means i take up the slightest more space
how do i remove some of me
how do i exist less
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why cant i learn
that anything i put in my body fills it with disgust
i need to exist less
anything to make sure less of me is there
yet i keep on eating
i keep on drinking
i keep on existing
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Greyโ๏ธ๐ฅญใ๐ใ ๋ฆฌํธ์ํจ
my roman empire is my life. i cannot move on from a single thing thatโs happened to me
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might succumb to another nap
hm did get matcha when getting lunch with best friend
isnt that supposed to have caffeine?
i'm quite confused about this tiredness
Greyโ๏ธ๐ฅญใ๐ใ@greydayagain
so tired omfg help i've had 3 cups of coffee yet fell asleep for an almost 45min nap which all of that was before 12:30 ฮฃ(-แท _-แทเน)
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visiting & being with best friend the whole today
kcals dont count cause i'm way to exhausted to even consider to start counting...
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Greyโ๏ธ๐ฅญใ๐ใ ๋ฆฌํธ์ํจ
