johnmccombscomedy

“Why do women find Pete Davidson so attractive?” - Guy who’s been in 0 movies and makes $45,000 a year

I thought I wasn’t that out of touch with music and then I thought Dolph Lundgren died today.

Nothing will anger a woman like not matching her texting energy. -400 level relationship tip

“War or some shit. I dunno, John Cena is in it.” -Netflix fully giving up on naming their original content.

@TheCryptoLark This is what edging is like

#bitcoin currently 1.2% away from all time highs!

@GianmarcoSoresi This is the only gig you should’ve accepted while you had COVID

I think enough time has passed for me to talk about the corporate gig I got booed at a few weeks ago…

Not a single person who reposted that Sue Bird vs Lebron James salary comparison has said anything about the Chicago Sky winning the championship. YOU are the problem.

As someone who routinely forgets to cancel before the end of the free trial I feel specifically targeted by heartbeat bills.

Edge lord comics should approach comedy like jazz: “it’s about the jokes you don’t say.”

Somewhere out there there is a beautiful woman with a lot of cleavage who just joined Facebook and is wondering why only losers are accepting her friend requests

Be nice to your artist friends. You never know which of them one day may be bartending at a bar you like

I’m just imagining the ass chewing a taking place over at Mark Zuckerberg’s office right now.

My goal is to have a drunk tweet with 10 likes used to pad out a listicle by a lazy journalist on @BuzzFeed or @FanSided

Youtube: “Ok, we’ll keep letting you skip our 30 second ads but how about we just give you two 15 second ones instead?” You: “Ok…wait, what?”

On every short term drawdown people say I’m permabull because my multi month thesis is bullish. I follow the data, everything I post you can verify yourself. I don’t do this wishy washy BS, you know where I stand. If we don’t have much higher prices by Dec/Jan I’m 100% wrong.

White People: OMG! Sweater weather! Black People:

Do you ever burp with your mask on after drinking beer just to see if you can still feel anything?

#GoodTimes #Tonight @thelincolnlodge for #ronnierayandtheunderdogsofcomedyshow it was the best show that didn’t happen. #Shoutout to @sonalagrawal237 @Talentjf @marztimms (who is not in any of this pictures) and @mccombscomedy for falling through. Nothing but #LoveandRespect

I’m pro mask but is anything sadder than a fully-bearded man with a tiny mask?