Eden 🐦

White men have podcasts - white women have newsletters. It’s me, I’m white women. Subscribe for access to my brain thoughts: open.substack.com/pub/bigcitylit…

One dude’s head is bleeding and he asked me if I lived with the girl standing near me, another dude is laying asleep on a seat with his shoes off, at least 3 people are rolling joints.

I truly cannot recommend enough taking literally any train other than the J. The J is unhinged in the worst way. How has society sunk this low? Why do we deserve so little?

There is absolutely no place more unhinged than midday J trains. In my car there is one person sleeping across a bench with no shoes on, one guy rolling a joint, and one guy at the end just started jerking off. Time to switch trains and douse my eyes in bleach.

@AnthonyDeVito I’m a little small for a shield, but I’ll do my best 💪

I'm not one of those sexists who thinks women need protecting. If a brawl breaks out, I'm the first one to use a lady as a human shield!

It was a little bit offensive how not NY the sets of Scream 6 were. Like did y’all even try? I’ll answer that: no you didn’t. You had a make believe subway station sign hanging as a banner at a make believe college.

Today I found out I work with someone who graduated college in 2018. I was already a full fledged depressed adult with two cats and a pair of “going out” sweatpants by then.

Guess whose cat threw up under the blankets and guess who slid into their bed and got a foot full of cold gushy vomit?

I can’t believe I went and got a job and I actually have to go back to it tomorrow. What was I thinking?

Is my mother an orca?

Every morning my cat hops up on the bathroom sink, paces back and forth, and has himself a little scream for about 15 minutes. I can’t imagine what he needs that catharsis for, but I think we should all have a little scream every morning to start our day, as a treat.

Well I finally finished watching all 15 seasons of Supernatural and now I’m empty inside.

life can be pretty cool because you can get a bagel. but there’s also the horrors

He’s back at it! 🌭🌭

This explains the mermaids and cheese people from the other day. instagram.com/p/CoBnNl-t-GX/…

A group of people just walked down my block dressed as wedges of cheese and mermaids and if that isn’t bushwick in a nutshell I don’t know what is.

Sometimes when I walk around bushwick and see all the other curly haired girlies I’m like oh yeah, we all definitely get our hair cut at the same place.

@djkocisi I honestly should have gotten it so much quicker, I’m ashamed.

Todays wordle was hard as fuck

Since being laid off in Nov I’ve gotten calls nearly every week that I’ve had to redirect & they’re awkward as hell. I’m also not being paid to have these conversations but I feel for these folks who are just trying to do their jobs & are probably dialing dead numbers all day

I feel like an aspect of layoffs that isn’t spoken about much is how the sudden firing of employees with no opportunity for handoffs can trickle down & cause confusion & slow down work because vendors have lost their local contacts.