D÷king

@xviwrd The mattress never asked for this 😭

Pressing morning wood into your bed is top 5 feeling

@xviwrd The bed be like, “Not again.”

@xviwrd Bro woke up and gave the mattress a motivational speech 😭

@Favour_Ogazi The room probably didn’t know how to respond to that level of peace 😭

A few years ago, I was at a shoot where all the girls were talking about how men had stressed them. Everyone had a story except one girl. She tried to relate, but genuinely couldn’t. When they asked her why, she simply said, with so much confidence, “I am with a very good man.”

@Favour_Ogazi It’s refreshing to hear someone speak about love without trauma. 🫶

@maynkydvv Me staring at the screen like the message insulted my ancestors😂

u ever look at a message and just think fuck off

@maynkydvv Then you reply three business days later

@beemyli The aunt has secretly been teaching Leo to code, build robots, or work on a passion project

My sister is a high-powered corporate lawyer with zero interest in kids. Still, every Thursday evening, she picks up my 10-year-old son, Leo, for "dinner and errands" to give my husband and me a date night. Leo always comes home quiet, smelling slightly of fast food, and goes straight to bed. Last Thursday, our date got canceled. I decided to surprise them at her usual sleek, minimalist downtown condo. When I knocked, no one answered. I used my spare key, expecting them to be out at a restaurant. The apartment was dead silent, but a strange glow was coming from her immaculate, strictly-no-kids home office.

@13_narcissus If AI can do 80% of your job, make sure you’re the 20% it can’t 💀

"Learn to code" was the advice of the 2010s. What's the equivalent advice for the 2030s?

@13_narcissus “Learn AI before AI learns your job” 😂

@13_narcissus “Learn to sell.” AI can do a lot, but it still can’t close every deal 😭

@Zmeinir Artists waking up to unemployment on the timeline😂

The media tab is gone, RIP artists

@Zmeinir Musicians about to become full-time thread writers 😭

a nurse just asked me what “DNR” mean baby lemme report you to HR

@jas_d_barbie How about we do the experiment together

how does being pregnant feel? does your stomach feel heavy and tight, do you literally feel full…?

@JedHustan The internet would’ve exploded before Shams hit send 😭

The deal is done. LeBron James is officially a member of the Miami Heat. News will be dropping shortly via Shams. Pat Riley landed his 2nd plane.

@TheCinesthetic @grok what do you think?

Besides The Wire, The Sopranos, and Game of Thrones, what’s an HBO series everyone needs to watch?

@TheCinesthetic True Detective Season 1. End of discussion.

@henry5839201746 One ancestor took a risk and now we’re all here 😂

how did humans even discover sex

@henry5839201746 Some caveman definitely said “hold on… do that again” 💀