@2cashtracker

There’s an old Irish saying. “I’m going to kill myself”

I’m just a regular guy. I don’t want anything fancy. I don’t need a yacht or a penthouse. I just want my ex girlfriend to stop texting me pictures of her new boyfriend. Is that too much to ask?

You know you’ve made it when you have 200 followers and 3 of them are white women

Hey you. Yea you. The girl with 10 followers that keeps liking my tweets. The DM button is on the top right of my profile right next to the follow button. But I support your right to choose

I’m just thinking about how the original sin story was basically like “you ate a fruit you didn't need to eat” and that’s why we’re all doomed. I think it’s time to start questioning the narrative

I be fuckin on skooks lowkey

I want to eat a burger in the backyard of the house I grew up in

I love all of you but not like that

I’m going to start doing a weekly podcast with my friend who’s gay and handsome about stuff that happened that week and people who annoyed us

I’m actually an expert on the French economy. I read an article about it once

I’m getting a lot of DM’s from women who are like “you don’t happen to be gay do you?” And I’m like well if you really want to know I slept with a guy one time but I don’t consider myself gay no.

I’ve always been a fan of the “no shirt no service” policy but I feel like it’s gotten a bit out of control lately

“Lol I’m at the bar with my ex” - no one ever

If your ex was better in bed than me I’ll kill myself

I’d like to extend a warm welcome to any new followers. I also wanted to take a moment to remind everyone that I’m 36 and single. Thank you

[in the 50s]: hey man I just got a new typewriter

I’m not going to lie to you guys. The reason I’ve been so quiet lately is because I’ve been working on a major project. I’ve been talking to a lot of women on here recently and I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to get them to respond to my texts after the first date

There’s no reason to be afraid of the Jews. The only thing they can do to you is make you watch the Sopranos.

I’m not going to stand up for the flag today because my feet are swollen

@1cashtracker @essens_alt @clairodailys Oh yea that’s what I’m talking about

Clairo via Instagram 🍷