‹𝟹﹕Honey of edtwt

•̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧.˚ •̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ •̩̩͙ ✩. ⋆ˊˎ- Honey ⋆ˊˎ- 23 ⋆ˊˎ- high sw ⋆ˊˎ- diagnosed ednos, ocd, adhd ⋆ˊˎ- alt ⋆ˊˎ- fem nonbinary transmasc ⋆ˊˎ- stem major undergrad •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧.˚ •̩̩͙ ✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚ •̩̩͙ ✩.

@bbgpeaxhes Its hard to find joy with this disorder. Treasure every moment you have, it doesn't make you any less valid! Everyone has some good days, let yourself experience them to the fullest!!

I ate frozen yogurt today without feeling bad abt it should i be concerned #edtwtㅤ

@hexd3x LOL HELLO!!

@63_cals oh my god hi honey from ohshc

I need everybody to answer this. If you were a bug, what type of bug would you be.

@kennyofshtwt One step at a time, you don't need to do everything all at once! Go at your own pace, but also try not to stay in your comfort zone forever. You gotta make some baby steps out, but not to the point where you're so overwhelmed you're frozen. That lvl is different for everyone!!

so kennylings, whichever of you are able to see this bc i’ve been getting low engagement lately, i feel i should talk abt how things are going in the ED department bc ive been pretty silent about it. also, if anyone wants to give advice then please read this thread and tell me what i should do… the reason ive been silent is two things: one. idk what to say 😐 this ed bs rly is just a fuck ton of waiting around while slowly and rhythmically thunking my head against the wall every couple seconds to quiet the mental screaming two. i have been… idk what you would call it exactly. slacking? pussying out? getting too high to gaf? all of the above works tbh i stopped weighing myself every morning because i was tweaking out too hard over daily fluctuations, and i think the not weighing made me less disciplined because i wasnt scared of the number going up in the morning i’ve also seen things recently about all the negative impacts of starving (this time it was about bone density specifically) and i’m scared of the ways this can/will permanently fuck up my body if i keep going as far as i want to. i’m scared to permanently disable myself over this. i’m scared to destroy my ability to do certain things for the rest of my life over this. and it’s scary especially the thought that i’m old enough now that my body won’t continue growing and fixing what i break, i’ll just be stuck with the broken parts. honestly that’s the biggest thing that spooked me even tho i know that being a kid/teen vs an adult doesn’t fundamentally change anything about how dangerous eds are, just the specifics of how it affects you. i know that even if i was still growing i’d be damaging things for life anyway, but the idea that this is my completed adult body and its all i get and its all downhill from here is like, making me pause in whether i want to continue ruining it like this plus. i am a stoner. i like to get high. and even tho i do it so much i still get the munchies. like Bad guys, idk how to resist or stop it and once i start eating i’m just Starving for anything i can get my hands on until the weed wears off. doesnt matter how physically full i am. and the obvious solution to this is to not smoke weed, or just smoke it once or twice a week and use those as metab days or whatever excuse i wanna slap on it. however i have no self control, and i feel empty and depressed so much that even tho the weed barely helps that anymore i can’t resist getting high most days anyway to get what effects it does still have so, all this to say that basically the past few days ive been having an extended “fuck this ed” moment and have been just eating what i want. i have no idea what i weigh right now. i’m scared to weigh myself hahah. that’s why ive changed my weight in my bio to “idk” lol idk what to do now because by now this all has stopped being primarily about what it started as (attention seeking, self harm) and it’s become about wanting the Skinny just bc i want it. i still want to do this badly, but im scared. i also feel like it’s hopeless and i’m not gonna be able to do it anyway lowkey. ultimately this all boils down to the fact that i actually have zero self control and i’m not sure why i thought i could do this when i never seem to be able to do anything else i set my mind to. my friends were right. this sucks and it isn’t worth it, i should never have done this to myself. they were right too that the hunger would eventually get to me and it wouldn’t stay easy forever, that id just eventually get trapped in a cycle of restricting and then compulsively eating in response. i feel like this is the start of that. i feel like even if i try to continue on losing weight, ill end up on a yo-yo diet because i simply don’t have the self control to not eat if im hungry. i feel like i only made it as far as i have because i have adhd meds that suppress my appetite so. tldr in thread:

@cruelsoft It worked too im not hungry at all but idk if its bc theres no pizza left or bc my brain thinks I ate 4 slices

@63_cals #smart

Just took my pizza slice and cut it up into school pizza party sized slices zo now my brain thinks I had 4 slices instead of 1 #fedmaxxing

@kennyofshtwt Thats so real I was drunk as hell when I posted this I deadass was just scared over nothing LMAO

@63_cals i have kenny of sh/edtwt oomfs i just consider them bros ig

So should I be concerned if I just saw an acc that's "honey-senpai of shedtwt", like no hate to them at all I don't own the character, but I'm a little scared that ppl might think they're me esp bc we have the same pfp, but just in case I AM NOT 13 😭 THATS A DIFF GUY

@cruelsoft @laurafallsz THAT LOOKS SO YUMMY

⋆𐙚₊ omad ˚⊹♡ veggie rice noodle stir fry + corn egg drop soup + homemade chili sauce (*˘︶˘*) ♡

@kennyofshtwt The only way out of this cycle is to recover. You're right about doing permanent damage if this goes on longer, theres a good reason EDs are considered to be the deadliest mental illnesses. It doesn't matter how deep you feel you're in this, recovery is possible!

i want to be skinny but i am scared to permanently damage my body trying to get there. i also feel like it’s hopeless to try bc i don’t have good self control. i don’t quite want to stop fully, tho part of me does. i sort of feel i should have never started this, but now i’m deep in enough that i can’t decide whether to recover or keep digging my grave. but if i do decide to recover, i’m not sure if ill actually be able to or if this moment is just part of a cycle i’m going to be stuck in: restrict, lose momentum, give up, gain it back, relapse a month or two later and do it again. im worried that either way ive doomed myself to this hell for life and that now i’ll keep having disordered thoughts forever even if i manage not to do disordered actions. i wanted advice if ppl have it and to know what other people think is going on/will happen for me in the future and i know everyone who doesnt suck ass is gonna say try to recover but part of me feels compelled to ask for advice anyway. maybe it’s the part that just needs to hear someone tell me what to do so i can know if i actually wanna do it or not and then pick what i really wanted all along. but yea guys. what do u think. does anyone have insights? is this a common thing to go thru? idk. i only developed issues with food in the past few months so it’s all new for me, am i going to be disordered for life now? end of thread

@fairywrennn OOOO THAT SOUBDS SO GOOD

@63_cals the paneer pizza at domino's. one of my faves! 🖤🐦‍⬛

Anyone else like plan their meal for later in the day and the hours before you eat it you just imagine the taste and texture in your mouth the whole time and it feels like you're biting it but you're not so you just get sad

@fairywrennn SAME TWIN!! what kind? Mine has pepperoni and mushrooms

@63_cals me rn with the pizza i have planned for lunch 🤤🐦‍⬛

@beckstaa That bagel looks heavenly omg

I <3 food

@kennyofshtwt Thank you Kenny that means a lot 🫶

@63_cals even if it isn’t truly freedom from ur ed i’m glad u got to have that day to enjoy food and eat without counting cals obsessively <:( i’m proud of u even if it doesnt feel like progress

Idc. Eating like its my last day on earth. Its my friends birthday. Im drunk. My ED wont ever let me eat like this again. I dont give a fuck.

Fuck w some avocado omfg

I could destroy an entire wheel of queso fresco rn omfg

This is what im fucking talking about imagine having to shop at fucking Chubbettes just bc ur BMI 20 like what the fuck 😭 they would hate my BMI 35 ass back then I'd be crucified to hell and back omfg

Genuinely feel so bad for those girls back then

Biggest motivation for me are those vintage ads for plus-sized clothing bc itll show you a girl at a healthy weight and the ad will be like "this fat freak can't find anything in her size, come on down to Heifers R Us where we sell shit in XXXL (today's M)"