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@_akhaliq ,. N E

Fixing things with AI

aaah what the heck is this beautiful process. this is a new one

[squirrel cop kicks down my door] "I'VE GOT A SEARCH WARRANT BITCH" [im in the bathroom frantically flushing hazelnuts down the toilet]

Ok let's take a look at what your résumé says here..."you're hired." Hmm thats not very impr- wait a minute, did you just-? Damn you're good

If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year

"I DEMAND... A TRIAL BY COMBAT" "sir it's just a parking ticket, I..." "WHO WILL BE MY CHAMPION"

As a child, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine. As I got older, I realized it was just a phase.

Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs.

"I CHOOSE YOU, JASON DERULO!" *Jason Derulo launches from the Pokeball & just sings his name over & over* *sigh* "goddammit Jason Derulo"

hey girl, are you the grains of sand running through the hourglass of mortality? because you're very fine

Ox's are my favorite animal. They're all hugs and kisses.

live every day like it's your last

I just spent 15 minutes looking everywhere for my phone only to realize that life is a dark abyss of meaninglessness and it was in my jacket

busting sick dance moves in this club, all eyes on me. haters saying "this is a library" lol w/e dudes atleast i didnt bring books to a club

@theticklyfinger stri ka hi tho matlab dulat hai, gadi mai jo aage bethi vo eek aurat hai @nalayakputtar

@theticklyfinger raat ke baad sabera hai, ye tweeter tho muhavaro ka duja basera hai :p @nalayakputtar

@theticklyfinger hug your mom today! Your lucky, u survived

@evils_heart ... are transformed into blood sucking vampires.

@limoncello_ice yes i hav many jain friends n d best way to annoy them is either eating non-veg in front of them or hitting them with a rock