Alan Barns

@marktingley He was born in Tottenham, London, lived his adult life in Hertfordshire & then retired to Suffolk, near to Norfolk for his golden years.

@ABodger Thank you for letting me know. I’m so glad he went the way he wanted with his wife at home. I’m very sad I never met him. It’s lovely you updated his status in the way you did. What part of the world did Alan reside?

Every day I had above ground was a great day but sadly they have all been used up. Do me a favour, keep on re-tweeting my old tweets to bring smiles & laughter in to the world & remember that no one gets out alive so don't take life too seriously. Alan 😊

@marktingley He left us on 22nd December. He passed away as he wanted to, which was at home with his wife holding his hand. You'll be happy to know he wrote laughter into his funeral service to bring smiles rather than tears to our faces.

@ABodger I’m really sorry to hear that. Condolences to you and his family and friends. I’m a bit shocked even though we sadly never met. When did he leave us?

@marktingley Thanks but not really, Alan has died & a come back tour, as much as he lived for an audience can't be done. However, he was here for 86 years & that's what counts 😎 ❤️

@ABodger Don’t go Alan. We still need new jokes and most importanantly we need you. is there anything I can do apart from retweeting?

@marktingley Thank you Mark. Quick answer to your question - NO! { I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then realise that dying will also be normal for my age at some point.} Keep safe mate.

@ABodger You haven’t made me laugh in a while. Hope everything is ok.

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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.

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Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

My neighbor obviously doesn't watch porn, she asked me to fix her sink 2 hours ago and I'm still fixing her sink.

My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company…

Sometimes being young and stupid gives way to being old and stupid

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I don't mean to brag but I'm helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can't really talk about it.

I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me.