Apsara

Inside me are two wolves; one lives off fish, fruit and green tea, the other will smash seven pints and drunk-sear a ribeye at 3am

Leftovers-for-breakfast on tour rules, cos sometimes you're sat in £500 lingerie eating fried chicken and sipping champagne from last night's extremely indulgent booking

Harrogate 💕

This is the shit I'm doing between bookings btw

@SleazoM It'll take them 2.5 business weeks to scoop my carcass out the back lane

@ACelestialNymph In an effort to extort every penny they can from you first, it’s council policy to fine you for the bin indiscretion first then the firing squad. Your corpse will then be classed as fly tipping and you’ll be fined again. 🤘🤣

Forgot to take my bins back in before heading off on tour so the council are going to execute me by firing squad when I get home

@carlitosbee_ They've woken up now with a couple mins spare 😂

@ACelestialNymph In fairness just as much drama in the playoffs… 90+4 equaliser to take it to ET was almost as mad as Rochdale vs York the other day!

Switched from PSG/Bayern to Hemel Hempstead/Weston-super-Mare; what's the opposite of whiplash?

@carlitosbee_ Aha I saw out the CL game! Catching NLS for some very leggy extra time

@ACelestialNymph In fairness, the NLS is probably the most competitive league in the country although you’ve missed one hell of a game in the UCL… 🤣

Might auction my virginity

Reviews are in 🥰

I don't think I've ever watched two sets of fans invade a pitch before

I LOVE FOOTBALL

Had enough tins to become very emotional about the Rochdale mascot being a dragon who HAS ASTHMA

Unshowered, unbothered, in my lane, thriving

I love end of season, I can drink a tin in bed in my pants on a random afternoon with a sense of purpose

(loathe DAZN, but £14.99 for today's matches - all 3 NL leagues are going to the last day! - and all the playoffs is a great deal)

Never hit Cancel Subscription on something so fast in my life

@carlitosbee_ :)

@ACelestialNymph As long as they all come with this view ✅

Petition for every hotel room to require a huge fuck off mirror