A.M.Westerling

Hudson’s Bay once owned 5% of the Earth’s land surface and now it’s a kiosk in a Canadian Tire

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL was released 51 years ago today. Led Zeppelin invested £31,500 for the filming, Pink Floyd put in £21,000, & Ian Anderson contributed £6,300, because no studio would fund a comedy about King Arthur and the Holy Grail.

An old man is driving down I-95 when his wife calls his cellphone. “Bob, be careful” she says, “I just heard on the news that there’s one car driving the wrong way on the highway” Bob yells back, “One!!! There’s hundreds of them”

If you think you’ve had a bad day, my 9 year old came home from school with a trumpet.

Four women meet at their 30-year class reunion. One goes to the restroom while the other three start talking about their successful sons. First lady: My son studied economics, became a banker, and is so rich he gave his best friend a Ferrari. Second lady: My son became a pilot, started his own airline, and is so rich he gave his best friend a jet. Third lady: My son became an engineer, started his own development company, and is so rich he built his best friend a castle. The fourth lady returns from the restroom and asks what the buzz is about. They tell her they were talking about how successful their sons were and ask about her son. Fourth lady: My son is gay and works at a gay bar. The other three ladies, feeling sorry for her, ask if she is disappointed with her son for not having a successful career. Fourth lady: Oh no! He's doing fine. Last week for his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet, and a castle from three of his boyfriends.

They deserve an NHL team first.

I like this 🤣

Judgemental Map of Alberta 🤠

A psychology professor started a lecture by saying, “Today we'll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage." With that, he took out his phone, put it on speaker and dialed a random number. “Hello, may I please speak to Dave?" he said. "No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number," said the man on the other end and hung up. The professor said,“You see, that's surprise. Now allow me to show you what irritation sounds like." He picked up the phone and dialed the same number. When the man answered the professor said, “Hi, can Dave come to the phone?" “I told you you have the wrong number!” the man answered testily. “That's irritation," said the professor. "Now, let's see what rage looks like." He picked up the phone and dialed the number again. When the man answered he asked, “Is Dave available?” “LISTEN, YOU DIPSHIT! IF YOU CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN, I'LL COME OVER, BREAK THAT PHONE IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!” "And that's rage,” said the professor. "Professor, you forgot the fourth stage," said a young man. "And what might that be?" asked the professor. "It's called the stage of total confusion. Allow me to demonstrate." He went up to the podium, took the professor's phone and dialed the same number. "Hello, this is Dave, has anybody called me today?"

Me at Walmart: No one will ever know I bought this dress for $7. Stranger: I love your dress. Me: GIRL, IT WAS $7 AT WALMART AND IT HAS POCKETS

Canada built bridges for bears, and it worked better than anyone expected. The Trans-Canada Highway cuts through Banff National Park for 82 kilometers. For decades it was a killing field. Animals on one side couldn't reach animals on the other, which fragmented populations and cut off migration routes. Starting in 1996, Parks Canada built 44 wildlife crossing structures, along with fencing to guide animals toward them. Critics called it a waste of money. Editorials said animals would never use them. They were wrong. Since monitoring began, animals have used the crossings more than 250,000 documented times. Wolves, grizzly bears, elk, moose, cougars, wolverines, lynx, bighorn sheep. Wildlife-vehicle collisions dropped 80% overall. It took grizzlies about five years to trust the structures. Elk tested them while they were still under construction. Every species had its own preference. Grizzlies and elk liked the wide open overpasses. Cougars and black bears preferred the narrow tunnels. This is now the longest-running wildlife crossing research program in the world. Delegations have come from China, Mongolia, Costa Rica, and Argentina to copy the model. Is your state building these?