A Perfectly Messy Life

Anytime I need my kids to come over to me, I just open a snack. They could be on the other side of the house, and they’ll hear that noise and come running.

When I was getting my nails done, a little whipper snapper asked me if I was born in the late 1900’s. I was, in fact, born in 1989. So should I start looking into my AARP membership now, or….?

When I was a kid, I never understood how my mom could forget why she walked into a room, how she had to stop and think about how old we all were, and how she called me all my siblings’ names before she got to mine. Now I get it.

Today my 5yo daughter told me when she grows up, she wants to be a queen and have the rest of us be her servants. I’m just over here wondering how that’s going to be any different than her current situation.

Me: *at my breaking point, trying to juggle all the things and the end of the school year without losing my mind* School: Every day of the last week of school will be a different, highly detailed theme that will require your child to dress up and bring things in!

It’s crazy how my childhood punishments have turned into my adult dreams. Yes I would like to go to bed early and skip the party. Please send me to my room and tell me I’m not allowed to talk to anyone.

No one cares more about telling me every detail of their day than my child at bedtime.

Y’all. I am not skipping Thanksgiving. My holiday celebration is as follows: October 1st - 31st: Halloween 🎃 Nov 1st - Nov 22nd: Christmas 🎄 November 23rd: Thanksgiving 🦃 Nov 24th - Dec 25th: Christmas 🎄 Now everyone calm down and let me listen to Mariah 🤣🎄🎅🏻🎄

When my friends and I are making plans, I may say, “I’m down for anything,” but what I really mean is I need a structured itinerary with details about where we are going, who is driving, and what time it all starts. And I’m happy to volunteer as tribute to make said plans.

My 5yo son at bedtime: “Don’t touch me mommy! I don’t want a hug, a kiss, or snuggles!” Me: “Okay bud, I understand. I love you, goodnight!” 5yo 2 seconds later: “Mommy all I want are hugs, kisses, and to snuggle.” Gotta love the emotional roller coaster that is having kids 🤣

Honestly, the biggest lie I tell myself is that in the morning, I’ll get up before my kids and get so many things done.

I wonder if people who stop directly in the middle of a busy hallway, a sidewalk, or the walkway at a busy amusement park just stand there and think, “yeah, this is the most logical place to stand aimlessly for the next 5 minutes.”

Toddlers be like: “wdkdidb dndk dbdk alsjdoe!” And their moms be like: “no you cannot have a cheese stick before dinner.”

Me to my 5yo son: Goodnight! I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. 5yo: Goodnight, mommy. I love you more than my friends, the TV, and even a rabbit! That’s the new standard, folks. If you don’t love me more than a rabbit, then don’t even waste my time. 😂💙

No one has seen me looking my worst more than the teachers in the school drop-off line.

My hubby and I were out with our 2 toddlers when a man came up to us and said, “Ya know, we spend the first 2 years of their lives teaching them to walk and talk, then the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.” Then he walked away and left us with that truth bomb.

Conversation between my 4 year old and 5 year old after my 4 year old accidentally spilled her milk: 4yo: That’s ok! Accidents happen, and only God is perfect. 5yo: Yep. And there are some people who THINK they’re perfect, but they’re actually not. Truth bombs from my kids 😂

No one can clean better and faster than a mom who just found out people are coming over in 20 minutes.

If you want to know how my day is going, I just answered a call from my husband on my phone and told him I couldn’t talk right now because I was looking for my phone. So that’s nice 😂

All I’m saying is, if a mom with young kids who are having a meltdown can manage to put her shopping cart in the cart return, so can you. #justsayin