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756 posts

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@ASPARAGUSslut

author, mother, 2009 SAG nominee, NY Philharmonic flutist, rainbow

Katılım Eylül 2017
74 Takip Edilen90 Takipçiler
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z-a-b@ASPARAGUSslut·
Not me unironically calling fedex to ask if a service they provide is industrial hole drilling
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z-a-b@ASPARAGUSslut·
Fight or flight? I just get petrified
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Babies need belts too
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A grown man who is also a stranger just picked me up four, 2 oz blocks of Sculpey because I commanded him to on the internet
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Once a Netflix series leaves Netflix, did it even make a sound?
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Not a nazi at Safeway :/
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“Mommy is that a boy or a girl?” Mommy: “ughhhhh honey let’s keep walking”
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Gender affirming freckles
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When you get your phone so dirty and crispy that it develops a paper texture screen protector
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I’m my happiest when I live in a home with a nutrition bullet
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z-a-b@ASPARAGUSslut·
Baruch atah ado-deviated septum
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z-a-b@ASPARAGUSslut·
The guests come at 6 am. They spend 4 hours slaughtering chickens. “Time for lunch!” I say. “I’ve made made only a giant green bean casserole! Oh you’re not happy? At least I made you lunch.”
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Anyone know what this is?
z-a-b tweet media
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I’m literally not kidding
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Wait I’m sorry I literally didn’t write my Twitter bio…. Which 2009 SAG awards nominee hacked me…
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You can’t call a stripper your friend if you don’t know her name
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What’s a bad instrument?
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I’m addicted to a salmon dinner
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I can text my cousin at midnight, I’m an adult
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Draco Malfoy definitely does poppers
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