Austin Seferian-Jenkins

It’s raining like a fucking gutter commercial outside

Michelob is a driving man’s beer

Goodbye nashon wright, I hope the jets don’t turn you into a slideshow guy

4:34 am on a Monday and I can’t fall asleep, I feel like a dog getting its last burst of energy before it’s put down

Freaky fast my ass, been in this Jimmy John’s line for 20 minutes

I’m hungover as fuck in this Popeyes and somebody’s fat daughter just called me the berries and cream guy.

Why does a Celsius on an empty stomach feel like I took meth

Mitch trubisky I never gave up on you

Just watched a guy crack open an iced tea while walking on the treadmill

Just collapsed a wicker chair at a function #mightendmyshit

I fw people who turn actually red when they’re mad

Yall ever gotten hype to finding a receipt in a mid Christmas gift?

I can’t even believe this shit bro 😔

I will forever praise and love/respect W**l*am H***hc***. GOAT in my books.

Joe Flacco is the prime skank of my 16 man fantasy football league

How much money would it take for the opportunity to run a fade against a kangaroo? I don’t care if I win or not, I just want the experience.

I love when I get to itch my head after taking a beanie off

Bass pro shops will always be in my top 5 of places I’d rather be than my current situation

First time at 7 brew, why is the large coffee bigger than my head?

O*** ****y is the funniest drunk I’ve ever witnessed