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Your “Why” is Bullshit.
I sat across from a 24-year-old consulting client as he made generic feel-good claims about why he wanted to make a bunch of money.
All false attempts to seek my approval and permission to succeed.
Neither did he need.
So I asked:
“Why do you really want this?”
He doubled down.
“I want to make a difference on this planet?”
"… by charging already rich people money for your advice?
Why don’t you quit this and join a mission or something?" I asked.
He began to stumble, but before he finished, I let him off the hook with:
“My point is this: wanting success is okay, and you don’t need justification to get there.
And I believe you want to do good, but if we’re honest with ourselves and attack the real reason you want success first,
... there will be plenty of time to do good for others.”
He looked confused but relieved.
“Ok, how do I do that?”
I asked him to take a piece of paper which I provided.
And write his goal at the top.
“I want to be a millionaire." was written clearly on the page.
"PERFECT!" I expressed!
I quickly followed with my next request.
“OK, write underneath this question, "WHY is that so important to ME?”
Over 30 minutes, I’d have him write the same line again underneath the previous answer.
"I want to be a millionaire."
Why is that so important to me?
"So I don't worry about money ever!"
"Why is that so important to me?"
"To avoid the stress and fear of not having money."
"Why is that so important to me?"
....
The question got harder to answer as we layered deeper, but each answer got us closer to the TRUTH.
... I'd help with additional questions when he felt stuck.
"What makes you so fearful and stressed about not having money?"
"Was there ever a time when you didn't have money?"
After about 7 “layers” were peeled back, We were down to his core reason.
His true “WHY?”
He had come from a single-parent home, where his mom struggled to provide, and he watched her cry in stress, fear, and exhaustion throughout his childhood.
He wanted to be rich to avoid the struggles she had gone through, but he had goals to retire her early and eventually buy her a new car and then a new home.
Now let me ask you which “why” is more impactful to this young man.
“Hey man, keep working hard so you can impact the world one day!”
OR....
“Hey man, what would have happened if your mom had slowed down when working two jobs?
Is this the work ethic that will retire her early?
Get her first new car in her life? Or a home with no mortgage so she can enjoy the life she’s sacrificed for you to be in this position right now?”
You see, nearly EVERY “Why” you hear from an entrepreneur is bullshit.
It’s nothing more than an approval-seeking marketing tactic.
Real “Whys” are RARELY visions to come, but are cures and solutions for visions and core memories from your past.
As a coach, I’d learn my athletes "Why” in our pre-season 1-on-1 meeting.
I’d then teach them a spot on their shoulder that'd be their "Why" button.
And when I press it, it reminds them of their “why.”
.… because their "WHY" was private. I could secretly refocus them, so think about their:
… mom working two jobs.
… parents working jobs to pay for him to be the first to graduate college.
… little brother or sister they wanted a better life for.
... or how much they've overcome from being a child who dealt with abuse.
… or how this was their chance to get off the streets.
I heard it all and knew every why.
Each athlete came into my office wanting to go pro, make money, be an Olympian, etc.
But each left with our joint understanding of their TRUE WHY.
And the results were incredible.
Their production and competitiveness went up instantly.
And whenever they messed up or lost focus, I rarely had to say a word...
I’d instead just come over to them during their pre-workout stretching, gently press on their shoulder, tap the "Why Button," and look them in the eye to say, "Why are you here?”
And they'd nod.
This immediately turned on the focus, the jets, and realigned their focus.
One of the most valuable tools in sport and business,… is to truly connect with WHY you want different from your “norm.”
Once you know your why, set up trigger points around your house/car/office.
I use sticky notes and round colored stickers, all the same color.
The color is your WHY. When you see it,
... think about WHY you are here doing what you're doing.
I have a sticky note on my bathroom mirror, so my why is the first and last thought of each day.
Then, my computer, my desktop background color, my phone background, and random places in my home and car.
Learn your why, and make it hard not to remember.
Success comes easier when your focus is clear on TRULY why you're chasing your goals.
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