Adam Muller

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Adam Muller

Adam Muller

@Adam_Muller

Comedian. Co-host of UncommonTakes Podcast.

Katılım Nisan 2009
7K Takip Edilen7.3K Takipçiler
Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
People enjoy going to standup comedy shows on New Year’s because at the end of the night they’re hoping that the last punch line is that this past year was just a joke.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
It’s probably just me but the only day of the year I wouldn’t post my 9/11 joke is 9/11.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
“Transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison…” Sounds like a log line for a failed TV show #Debate2024
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
Body shaming is mean, but also effective. I wish I could hire someone to show up once a week and tell me how gross I look
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
When I worked on Wall Street I was told not to put anything in an email I wouldn’t want on the front page of the Wall Street journal. So I ended every email with “The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup!”
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
I had a speech impediment as a kid. I couldn’t pronounce r’s. My parents got it fixed in case I wanted to be a pirate.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
Unfortunately, the winner of the debate was anyone trying to raise money for dementia research.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
A penny for your thoughts adjusted for inflation would be 11,794 dollars for your thoughts
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
I got food poisoning and it was terrible. Spent 2 days in the bathroom and lost 6 pounds. As soon as I felt better I went back to the same restaurant and ordered the same thing.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
The most effective protests disrupt the economy. Walking out of a commencement speech in front of a bunch of graduates who won’t get jobs doesn’t do much.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
Why is it a peeping Tom? Shouldn’t it be a peeping Eugene? Doesn’t that make more sense?
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
I love the feeling after one drink. It’s like the world comes into focus. Like when I get new glasses with an updated prescription. The problem is after one point one drinks I can no longer see.
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
Ironically the best acting is when they pretend they didn’t know they were going to win
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
I’m trying to be less judgmental but it’s hard because so many people do things incorrectly
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Adam Muller
Adam Muller@Adam_Muller·
Age is just a number until it becomes a statistic.
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