Al Bundy

"What are you people trying to do, ruin my boy's confidence? If he says a teacher looked at him, I say a teacher looked at him. Son, was this a female teacher?"

@fordnation I don't know how it's legal for the government to limit what you can sell something for. In-demand items go for a premium. That's life. No one is forcing anyone to spend $2,000 on a ticket to watch a ball game.

We’re putting ticket scalpers on notice: Your days of ripping people off are done.

"Gimme my pictures! I got planes to catch, cars to buy, and families to leave. The name's Bundy, but that'll soon change."

Sweet Facebook Marketplace find.

"Make sure to read the labels. I don't want you getting anything that says 'natural' ingredients."

"Come on, girls, we're going to the ghetto!"

"The store was packed with women. Well, there were actually only two in the store, but it was wall-to-wall."

"How'd you get the stove working, Steve? Peg said it's been broke for months."

"He's the killer! I know it, you know it, and they, well, if Darwin is right, they'll know it in about a million years."

"A man's home is his coffin."

"Ahhh, Peg. Not you!"

@its_The_Dr I've watched that interview a few times now. And the episode he did of Kevin Pollak's Chat Show. Both have some great stories. Ed's a great storyteller.

"I'm not selling shoes for the money; I'm in it to torture fat women."

STEVE: Wild animals can sense when women are, uhh... AL: Killing their husbands? STEVE: No, Al. When they're cycling. Don't you understand? They want our women. AL: Well, then our women they shall have.

"A driving test, eh? Well, I'll have you know I've been driving through the mean streets of Chicago for thirty years, in the same mean car, with the same mean wife."

CUSTOMER: I want something that goes with this dress. AL: A bubbling cauldron? CUSTOMER: You got a lot of nerve. AL: I need it to get this close to your feet.

@mmpadellan @MAGAVoice The Dems pay you to tweet this or are you doing this pro bono?

Wow, you tweeted "nobody is against the law" when the actual phrase is "nobody is ABOVE the law," and everyone in the replies is high fiving you. This is either confirmation that our educational system is complete shit, or the bots overrunning this platform don't know what the phrase is supposed to be.

Raise your ✋ if you can’t wait to see Merrick Garland put in PRISON. Nobody is against the law

"Someone must have tampered with my thumb warmer, Peg."

@MattWelch @realDonaldTrump @justinamash No, he voted to impeach.

Not too late for @realDonaldTrump to appoint a libertarian to his Cabinet! Send @justinamash to DoJ!

"Damn you, Kelly! You ate my last Hershey's Kiss... You're in the will!"