Alex Hanson

🚨🧘🏼‍♂️ Erling Haaland: “We need to stay humble. Don’t think too much. Burnley next…”.

BREAKING: Country leaders have found a solution to water shortages across the globe...

Fans will probably be a bit miffed that VAR John Brooks intervened for a violent conduct red card for Lisandro Martinez for a bit of a hair pull. But decided Gabriel pushing his forehead into Erling Haaland's face was "not excessively aggressive or violent".

And then when he has a bad season, regardless of what he's achieved, we demand he gets the sack and hound him out of a job. That's sounds about right doesn't it? #NUFC

It's a travesty that one of Bayern or Real are going to go out whilst boring, woeful Arsenal scrape through.

This enormous anti-Orbán crowd isn't just rejecting him; they're saying f*ck you to Putin, trump, JD Vance, and every other fascist jackass trying to prop him up. Godspeed, Hungary. May you SOUNDLY defeat Orbán.

Trump, Putin, Farage… your boy took a hell of a beating. Congratulations to the people of Hungary for showing that populist extremists can be defeated – even despite Donald Trump’s best efforts.

Breaking News: Prime Minister Viktor Orban conceded defeat on Sunday in a high-stakes general election in Hungary. His defeat is a blow to the global nationalist revival promoted by President Trump. nyti.ms/4c8AmV6

Hungary is Europe! Long live Hungary!🇭🇺 Long live Europe!🇪🇺

The Whitehouse.

🚨🫡 BREAKING: Kieran Trippier will leave Newcastle United this summer when his contract expires. ✍🏼 The 35-year-old was the first signing after the takeover in 2021 and played a big part in convincing other players to join #NUFC 🗣️ Trippier: “The time has come to leave this amazing club after four-and-a-half years. This is where I have felt most at home. It’s emotional, and I’m really going to miss it.” 🗣️ Eddie Howe: “Kieran has been magnificent for us on and off the pitch. From the moment he walked through the door, he has helped to drive standards that have changed the club’s trajectory.”

Thank you, Tripps 🖤🤍 After four and a half years of incredible service to Newcastle United, we can confirm that Kieran Trippier will leave the club this summer when his contract expires. Kieran arrived in January 2022 with the club in the relegation zone and played a crucial role as he went on to lift the club’s first domestic trophy in 70 years.

@MrBoldOne @EmiratesFACup Enjoy your quadruple, pal.

BREAKING NEWS: There was some kind of upset at the White House this morning. People are whispering that Trump is at Walter Reed. The president either had another stroke or his vagina neck is dilated ten centimeters and he's having that baby.

Going from quadruple-hunters to double-hunters within the space of 2 weeks would be very Arsenal indeed

Gabriel Martinelli typifies Arsenal. Shoving the referee now, who remembers when he pushed a crippled Conor Bradley off the pitch a few months ago too? Definition of a little twat.

Tesco could pay every worker an extra £10,000 and still make a profit. British Gas could pay every worker an extra £35,000 and still make a profit. Shell could pay every worker an extra £300,000 and still make a profit. It is the billionaires who are ripping you off.

Ooh Newcastle only have 1 game a week now and have a reasonable run in ! We can’t have them qualifying for Europe again so let’s wheel out our client media partners and ramp up the destabilising process again ! It’s so fkin transparent it’s laughable man !

So that's Lewis Hall, Dan Burn, Tino Livramento & Anthony Gordon in the last @England squad before the World Cup. None anywhere close to that level when he signed. BuT eDdIe HoWe IsN't A gOoD cOaCh 😬 Maybe it might take some time and a chance on the training ground grass to get Woltemade etc where they needs to be for this #nufc. Took Hall a year and look where he is now. Ofc change / evolution is required to keep pace - but plenty right too