Alex March NWP

When you've been in a sociopathic relationship, songs/smells/places anything that's reminiscent of that old situation can convince the body it's in danger again. PTSD from these relationships are very real.

The suppression of women’s anger and deep emotions is an inside job. Teaching a woman to freeze in her tracks and never let out an emotion makes her a fucking sponge for everyone to siphon from. What little she has left. Partners can deplete our energy system because we share a nervous system with them. Trauma wants approval, approval comes with giving energy away. In TCM we call it jing. Life force. Essence…

A lot of women have such deep fucking suppressed rage. They suffer from MCAS, PCOS and so many HORRIBLE symptoms that are fueled by things that never see the light of day. The rage comes up and the pure frozen terror pushes it back down. What’s been done and frozen in fear is the true problem…

An angry woman wasn’t fast to get there. A woman expressing her full fucking rage spent a lifetime swallowing daggers back down in fear. Confused. Anger is slow little cuts to your soul. An angry woman didn’t happen over night and an angry woman doesn’t just fucking regulate it back down, reinforcing the damage. An angry woman knows she SHOULD feel this way, finally.

A lot of what you’re taught about “healing” the nervous system is actually teaching the body how to tolerate chronic survival and bury rage, not resolve it. Many emotionally burdened and autoimmune bodies are not too sensitive. They are bodies carrying unfinished stress responses, inherited survival patterns, suppressed emotion, and years of functional freeze mistaken for regulation.

You have all this pain and rage buried in this little body, the world has mass exposed us to the deepest horrors that go on under the bed- WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED THIS AS WOMEN ON SOME LEVEL. Your anger is not a fucking label because someone can’t pair emotions to a bodies screams. It’s all so sinister and you’re responding correctly.

When you’re finally freeing yourself and seeing the truth of your valid feelings it can come out as decades of rage in a tiny little body, medicalized, forced birth control on and taught her emotions come last. You’ve been so groomed and abused to not have anger that when you do, you shame yourself for it. This is mass programming. This is not your little bodies fault.

They push power into things that make you think you have control but you really don’t. All these dos and don’ts this is why you’re sick, this seed oil is why you’re unwell, really sir, you don’t think it could have anything to do with at 12 when a boy forced himself on her and she froze in complete fear and that served as the baseline of survival ????? No emotions huh? Separating body and mind is legitimately war to your mental health.

They ripped your teeth out of your ability to stand up straight and bite back. Your rage is a sacred medicine that every tribe and ancient medicine knew. Grooming someone from birth means to make them what you want so you can control them. We have been violently groomed to lose all power and dignity as women. Take. Your. Power. Back.

Telling yourself it’s ok to feel how you feel, telling the body it’s fucking amazing for surviving what it’s survived, honoring rage that comes up as your right, telling fear mongering posts CANCEL, things that make you feel overwhelmed and doomed too. Step back into nature. Step back into yourself. Who are you outside of everyone’s fucking opinion on how you should be healing or what you should stop doing and just BE PROUD OF YOU.

Your nervous system had a baseline in fetal nervous system. These are inherited systems that stay somewhere in us. Survival doesn’t just go away, repressed rage doesn’t stop because you did a vagus nerve exercise and for damn sure your inherited grief doesn’t go away by gaslighting yourself into emotional blackmail to your body.

Regulation isn’t real. It’s bandaids to overwhelm and override a system then perpetuate every fucking magic 5 step cure to keep women room scrolling in fear which weakens the immune system. Then say they’re doing it wrong because they’re not better. Stop, just stop. Finishing responses with proper safety and understanding is how you feel a semblance of better.

We push women to the brink of fucking insanity with suppression, overwhelm, anger is bad, forgive your abuser, you’re too sensitive, you’re too much, you’re dramatic, shamed for sex, shamed for abusive relationships, punished for feelings… and yet we say just regulate your nervous system to be better. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

I have been you, I see you, I fight for you. I have fought my way to education and places I could never dream of with the fight of my life to create radical change in the way we treat women’s healthcare and how and why. I honor you. I will always tell the truth. I will always call out bullshit. It’s not until you’re in your 20’s 30’s feeling like you’re on a grandparents death bed unable to move until you see this is not how this ends. I love you.

Being sick taught me everything I wanted from life outside of it. It gave me perspective of how and why. It was like a highlight reel of what would’ve happened if I didn’t change my life. If I didn’t honor, FULLY, my rage. My grief. What little me went through. What big me carried. The emotions amplified when I believed I would die. I did not want to die. Honor yourself. Be proud of yourself. Talk to yourself. Fucking TELL YOURSELF YOU LOVE THEM AND THANK THEM. Tiny little thoughts of tonight.

I have been bedridden. Even as a very established healer. Life threw me on my ass in ways that was the final blow of long wading emotional torture. I almost gave up, but I said fuck this. I realized how much of my life was safe but NOT SAFE FOR ME. I took my life back. 3 months of bedridden mystery illness and a little homeopathy (channeled from my death bed and saved me/ you also never have to use or do what I say) but stick with me here… the emotions.

Whether you’re exploring the grief or the releasing the rage, meeting the versions of you that lead up to this and still fighting I want you to know this is a billion dollar machine to keep you this way and yet you’re NOT FUCKING GIVING UP!!!! Just for tonight be proud of yourself. The one who can feel the grief, the one who knows for damn certain they’re angry. The one who wants a life outside of what they endured. The medicine is slow and quiet but it’s in your bones.

The emotions and grief and absolute resentment for everything you felt when you felt “normal”. These things don’t just happen. They’re a long telling story of the emotional turmoil that adds to the body and illness. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. They want you to blame yourself and feel shame of why. It’s absolutely not your fault or doing.

How many emotions do you have surrounding chronic illness or autoimmune that feels like you’re alive but not living. Are you not mourning for your old life? Are you not angry that nothing is working? Are you not absolutely floored with anger for the times you did for others and not you and wish you could take it back. It’s absolutely worth exploring the emotions behind illness. You have so many now.

When I was 12, I fought it off When I was 14, I froze When I was 23 my ex fiance called me property and I froze When I was 25 I fought and screamed no. I am 37 and my fight is for her. It will never happen again. My fight is for all the silenced and forgotten. I want you to know ME TOO and I’ll always fight for you and your healing. “Be the reason why other women think they can do it too” I will forever show you, you can do it too.