Jacob

。

。

The United States now has two Presidents impeached for embarrassing Hillary Clinton.

Randomly ask your woman if they cut their hair. Even if they didn't, they love that shit.

I might buy a pair of jorts so be careful ladies I'm about to become irresistible.

Got a job writing the backs of shampoo bottles

My basset hound took a wet shit in the back of my Jeep, so if anyone wants an old basset hound who takes wet shits in Jeeps. Lemme know.

If sperm whales don't mate for a long time they turn into blue whales.

CNN Breaking: Courtney Love becomes obsessed with missing Noah's Ark.

If we #CancelColbert then where would @thedailyshow steal jokes from?

Combine the shows "River Monsters" and "Dateline NBC" and you get the show "Catfish"

If you're pregnant get a tattoo of a smily face on your stomach so after you give birth it turns into a sad face.

Wait, you can get more the one fav?

@EliBraden @sexbaby

@adtothebone DO NOT joke about rice-a-roni

I think my ear might be gay for q-tips.