Amyish

@Scottaus10 @Shanemgillis 🤙 stop please

Chicago April 3 & 4 Nashville April 17 Charlotte April 18 Los Angeles May 4 Boston May 7, 8, & 9 Philly July 17 shanemgillis.com

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure? Me: I can do the Bowie part, but I don't have the upper range to sing the Freddie part.

Where do lizards go after their tail falls off? The retail store.

@Scottaus10 I am!

@AmymAisme You're you.

Sometimes a loss puts everything into perspective

@jimantle @heckyessica It's muscle memory at this point

@heckyessica I've responded similarly.

whatever I’m tired

@heckyessica And THIS is exactly how to handle these situations. Thank you. Preach

@lady_valor_07 Mabel. Call her Mabes 🎶

Vintage old lady name for this DOG please

@Amelia558rs Bonnie Raitt

Which female artist had you hooked from the first time you heard her?

@Matt_Pinner Trex

Apparently if you’re right-brained you see a rabbit, if you’re left-brained you see a turtle. What do you see? 🤔

@Matt_Pinner Slider 🛝

His name is the last thing you ate..

@KeruboSk This. Exactly. It's the best thing ever ❤️

Dear men: My husband walked the outlets with me for 3 hours today. Didn't complain once or RUSH ME. Held my bags while I tired on things & made sure my drink wasn't empty. I shopped!! I got home & took a nap. While I napped, he played his video game for HOURS uninterrupted. Now we are getting ready to go to his favorite brewery so I can buy him beer for his beer fridge. We both got what we wanted & most importantly we got to spend time together. A win is a win.

Amazing. I swear to god this is not AI, just really phenomenal timing

@TheRealMegalito Great question. I think birds are evil and hate them. x.com/i/status/14320… x.com/i/status/14658… x.com/i/status/15875…

@AmymAisme Why?

I initially thought Washington DC was pretty lame...then I found this on the sidewalk and now, immediate 4 point uptick

@mrmikeMTL Child's Play 💯. When I was 5 and couldn't sleep, I snuck out of bed, sat on floor outside a room where my parents were watching it. I was engaged bc there was a kid my age and a doll... Before I knew it Chuckie would appear in my dreams turning them to nightmares for 10 yrs

what movie traumatized you as a kid?

My daughter stopped coming out of her room six months after her best friend died in a car accident. She was fourteen and the grief swallowed her whole, turned her into this ghost who only existed behind a closed door I wasn't allowed to knock on. Her therapist said to give her space, her father said to give her time, but I was watching my child disappear and nobody could tell me how to pull her back. I'd stand outside her door at night listening to her cry and feeling like the most useless mother who ever lived. She mentioned once, months ago before everything went dark, that her friend always said if she could paint her room any color it would be hot pink because her parents would never let her. Such a small stupid thing to remember but it was the only piece of her I had left that still felt alive. I bought the paint on a Tuesday, the kind of bright aggressive pink that makes your eyes hurt, and I didn't ask permission. Just walked into her room while she was at a therapy appointment and started painting her door. When she came home she stood in the hallway staring at it and I thought I'd made a terrible mistake, crossed some line I couldn't uncross. She touched the door and started crying, said "this was her favorite color." I told her I knew, that I remembered everything she'd ever told me even when she thought I wasn't listening. We spent the next three days painting her whole room together, barely talking but working side by side. Found custom drawer pulls and hooks in a shop in matching pink and installed them while she told me stories about her friend I'd never heard. Started a small shop myself actually, selling painted doorstops and coat hooks in wild colors, every purchase going into a fund for teen grief counseling. My daughter helped me photograph them last week and I heard her laugh for the first time in eight months. This door didn't fix everything. But it opened something between us that had been locked shut. Her friend would've loved how bright it is. My daughter says the same thing every time she comes home now. That's enough. By Jasmine lamb

@Scottaus10 What's his el nameo, again?

@AmymAisme He's a pretty cool gato.

Hands down the best $6.95 I've ever spent #cats

@Scottaus10 They're the best 🥰

@AmymAisme When the heat lamp isn't enough, some jerk cat half my size spooks me and I get to sleep inside.