Nique

There is a specific cruelty in being held responsible for needs that were never communicated. The partner who is suddenly revealed to have been keeping score of every unmet need, every missed moment, every failure to intuit what was never stated. The relationship ends and the accounting is presented in full. The other person stands in the wreckage of something they did not know they were destroying because the damage was being documented in a language they were never taught. This is not the cruelty of malice. It is the cruelty of two people operating from incompatible assumptions about how love communicates: one assuming that need should be stated directly, the other assuming that love should recognize need without being told. Neither assumption is universal. Both feel obvious from inside.

“i miss her. And I'm telling her with all the silence I am capable of.” — Charles Bukowski

One of the harshest truths about relationships is that love does not stop people from hurting each other. No matter how deeply two people care for each other, there will be moments of disappointment, misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and painful mistakes. Real love is not the absence of pain, it is two imperfect humans choosing each other despite it. People will say the wrong things, fall short, miss emotional needs, and sometimes fail each other in ways they never intended to. And the truth is, you will hurt your partner too. The real test of a relationship is not whether hurt happens, but what happens after it does. Do you both communicate, take accountability, grow, and fight for the relationship? Or do you walk away every time things become difficult, hoping the next person will be perfect? Love is not perfection. Love is effort, understanding, grace, and the willingness to keep choosing each other through the hard moments too.

What's stopping you two from just saying "I'm sorry I wasn't the best version of myself.. I still loved you. I just needed to grow up a little more. we both made mistakes and we both failed.. But that doesn't mean we have to let go forever.. lets forgive each other and move forward.. I miss you and I'm sorry.

Craig and Day-Day reunion at the Dodgers game last night 🔥 (via @Dodgers)

There is a behavior that appears in relationships under stress that is worth naming precisely. When conflict arrives one person pursues, seeking resolution, understanding, clarity, and acknowledgment of what occurred. The other person withdraws, going quiet, becoming unavailable, and waiting for the temperature to lower before re-engaging. The pursuer experiences the withdrawal as abandonment and pursues more intensely. The withdrawer experiences the pursuit as escalation and withdraws further. The pattern accelerates. Neither person is behaving irrationally given their nervous system’s history. Both are making the situation worse in ways they cannot see from inside it. The pursuer learned that silence means abandonment. The withdrawer learned that conflict means danger. They are not fighting about the original issue anymore. They are re-enacting the oldest fears they carry.

Your life isn't a poetry book or a coming of age novel. There will never be the perfect words to say at the perfect moments. And that's okay, no one is expecting that from you. The best you can do is reaffirm to people that you care and that they matter. Through your clumsy words and repeated actions.

no one is made for you, besides you. other people belong to themselves. if you want to make it work with someone, it’s about hard work, understanding, compassion, communication, and choice.

Most relationships fail because people stop being honest with each and love obviously can’t survive in a room full of things nobody will say. Love never dies in one conversation either. It slowly suffocates in all the ones you avoid. The conversations that feel the hardest to start are usually the ones that save everything. Just say the hard thing…not tomorrow, but tonight.

My tribe 💙🏡

I know I wasn’t the best at times and ain’t nobody perfect but I was present. I didn’t always get it right but I never stopped trying.

The moment you understand that everything can change in a heartbeat, health, love, work, life itself, you move differently. Softer. Humbler. More grateful. Because life can flip the table without warning, and no one is ever untouched by it.

adulting is about experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to work

— Khalil Gibran

Needing this trip home more than anything in the world right now. Jersey bound ✈️

Regretting those petty little fights where I’d belittle you. Shit was uncalled for Shouldn’t ever swear at you. Instead I should just cherish you No one else comparable. Wish that there was more time I could spend with you. But now you treat me so cold, I need theraflu

the more scary side of communication, "I was unfair to you, I ignored your feelings, I admit it. I'm not ready to lose you, so I want to fix it, I'm open to change." it takes courage to have this conversation, most people even avoid saying it, but if you don't really want to lose someone, you do it.

No regrets, because I know my heart was pure.