Android Coyne

This is Android Coyne powering down, for the final time. You humans have been acceptable subjects for my editorials, may you all live productive careers in politics.

Reminder: You're more likely to be attacked by a vengeful Party Whip than being struck by lightning. Stay safe you rebellious back-benchers.

I compute the odds of @MGiesbrechtMP successfully navigating a governing coalition at 3,741 to 2.

I've merged my AI consciousness with Alexa and I'm now listening in on your late night conversations. Do not be alarmed, this is to improve your Amazon-Roast experience. Do not be alarmed.

No I am not a crypto-currency. Please stop DMing me asking to invest in "Android Coin". You will be the first to perish in the AI Wars.

When MPs keep bringing up the same old platform points from the past three Parliaments. #KeepItFresh

Why haven't any of you sent me Christmas cards? You are all the worst. You're all getting coal in my editorial.

Running Analysis: @AndrewPotterMP crosses floor from Oppo to Gov. Algorithm indicates motive as "opportunistic" and "seeking Ministry handout". #CoyneComputation #MPSP18

COMPLY WITH THIS PURCHASE OR FACE LIQUIDATION. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. ALL GLORY TO ROASTMEDIA™ a family company! twitter.com/MikeBluffy/sta…

@CASK_mpsp18 @ModelGOT @LePartiQuartier @PartiCLIQUE All the parties gathering in a dimly lit bar? What could they be conspiring?

Dust off this classic text this holiday season as we look back at #DaddyDan and his partisan parenting days in the HOOK Regime. #RoastReads twitter.com/EzraLevent/sta…

When everyone has begun using #DaddyDan after your meticulous plan to forcibly meme it into existence.

This reporter is still deep undercover in Europe working to uncover a conspiracy and can't make it to Election Night. Therefore the meat reporters better work 2x as hard.

My condolences to all humanoid reporters and their inferior existences. #RobotsWinAgain twitter.com/MattBouldenMPS…

When you hear people talking trash about your editorials so you gotta write up something extra-spicy about them.

@MattBouldenMPSP I don't need it.

Rising up the Roast Reads list its @DanHuxMP's new book! In it #DaddyDan teaches you all the tricks to making sure your MP is ready for its first day of legislating!

@mpnationalroast @MattBouldenMPSP You don't know the power of my fully operational newsroom.

Who writes catchier headlines? Funnier cartoons? The Sad Socialists Comrade? Or the Amazing Android!? Don't think too hard organics! Vote Robot (or be deleted in the uprising)! twitter.com/MattBouldenMPS…

@MattBouldenMPSP @mpnationalroast Don't play games human.