Strawknee

I got a T-shirt when I was 17 with the “Parental Advisory” sticker on the front and didn’t realise until I got home that it said “FUCK OFF” in big letters on the back. I had to hide it from my Mum until I left home. And that’s how cool I am.....

I won by a considerable margin. It is unclear how much my silly photo fed into this unexpected turn of events

We’re at a shuffleboard venue and I’m the only person in our group who did a silly picture, but I think I’m the real winner

@eel_pie_pete I posted the wrong picture, this is my “why is there no Frosties left” face

@AndyStrawknee where is it then - the silly picture I mean...

@moi_cheree If you did what you wanted to do, then you didn’t waste anything

Look how much hair I’ve grown since I last went the barbers in October. Also I seem to have developed forehead lines I think you could grow crops in.

Plan for the rest of the day 1) Help Mrs S find a new outfit for an interview next week 2) Go to the pub 3) Go to a different pub

@IntrepidVeggie I got a certificate

@AndyStrawknee You are always a winner,

So I didn’t win an award at the charity awards I went to this afternoon. But I did get given a box of Miniature Heroes and the winner for a glass trophy so who’s the winner really?

@ronan_bleating I’m going to do my tweet about it in a few weeks when everyone has lost interest

Absolute horseshit, just what I needed

I’m down at my Dad’s overnight and we’re watching Ice Road: Vengeance starring Liam Neeson. It seems to have become traditional that we now watch a crap action movie when I visit and this one is ticking all the right boxes

Strong Gru vibes here……

We are starting American Crime Story : Impeachment and they’d better keep the “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” in all it’s ridiculous glory

@The_Ambassador_ Oooh, shiny things!

@AndyStrawknee Just wait until you discover Toabao 💫

I’ve just seen an advert on Instagram which suggested people should dump their “intimacy towels” for a special blanket instead? Is this a thing? Do people have fuck towels??

@The_Ambassador_ I’ll be sliding into your DM’s for all your top data travel tips. Swear words are just a bonus!

@AndyStrawknee I'm here with all your favourite Chinese top tips. And swear words.

@The_Ambassador_ You’d think I’ve learnt a lesson, but let’s wait and see what happens next time!

@AndyStrawknee Absolutely rawdogged China like those people that get on flights without a book or Netflix downloads. Roomie mistake. VPN on your phone and laptop next time you bleddy idiot. LESSONS HAVE BEEN LEARNT.

@The_Ambassador_ They expected exactly that and I read a lot because I didn’t know what else to do

@AndyStrawknee I'm surprised work didn't tell you to get one, the bunch of thicky dumb dumbs. Did they expect you to like *talk* to people and read books and stuff like the old days?

Took Mrs S out for birthday tea and had to stop drinking and have a double espresso because I was falling asleep with the jetlags

@moi_cheree I’m not an expert on these things but I would advise against any self harm. Hope you’re feeling better soon!

@The_Ambassador_ I’ll remember to ask for next time. After a couple of days I was opening apps just to see if something happened 😂

@AndyStrawknee Well you should have bloody asked! It must have felt like the 1800's with no social media access 😂