Bob McCrackelberry III (Bobby)

IT kid with a beard told me my "legacy hardware" is a security vulnerability. Son, that "legacy hardware" has been running 24/7 since before your parents met at a Coldplay concert. It doesn't have an IP address. You can't "hack" a mechanical relay. Go back to your standing desk

Siemens says the APE1808 needs an emergency update to prevent "unauthorized access." Here’s a "security patch": don't plug the plant floor into the damn internet. I’ve got an air-gap called fifty feet of West Texas dirt between my machines and the world. Try hacking that, Gabe.

"RUGGEDCOM," has CVE. Back in my day, "rugged" meant you could drop it off a catwalk into a vat of coolant and it’d still click. Now it means it has a digital back door left wide open. I’ve got a 40-year-old relay that’s never had a "vulnerability" in its life. #OTSec

Stripped three bolts and spilled my coffee before 8 AM. This week is a leak that won't plug. Barbara, keep the beer cold. I’m coming home early. 🛢️☕️ #Grit #MondayBlues

Management wants a "touch-point" on efficiency. My efficiency drops to zero when I’m staring at a screen instead of a wrench. Is it Friday yet? 📉🍺 #RealWork #NoSynergy

guy next door bought chickens and now he’s wearing a $200 cowboy hat just. He asked me for "tips on the flock." I told him he should start by leaving the porch and touch some dirt. Barbara says I'm being "unwelcoming." I told her I’m being "protective of the brand."

People ask me "Bob, what do you do for fun?" I mow the lawn. I organize the garage. I check that my home network is properly segmented. I press my slacks. Then I sit in my chair, drink a Budweiser, and think about all the things wrong with the OT security industry. That's fun.

6:00 AM and the #3 blower is screaming like a banshee while the coffee pot is dry. If this week were a pipe, it’d be rusted through and leaking "strategic insights." Back to the pit. 🛠️☕️ #OTLife

@infosec_fox It's there so Meghan knows what they look like...This was she can tell me when they come in to visit and I can make sure I am unavailable.

Can someone explain to me like I’m 5 why LinkedIn exist?

Jerry’s looking at my manual maintenance logs like they’re ancient scrolls. He keeps talking about Encrypted Data. ... "Jerry, the only thing encrypted around here is your personality since you moved to the big city." Handed him a black coffee and told him to nut up

Took Barbara Lorraine to the 9 AM service. Put on a shirt with actual buttons, not snaps—she says I need to look "civilized" once a week. Pastor talked about "The Great Architect." I like that. I’ll bet He didn't use a subscription-based CAD program to build the firmament.

My early Saturday routine: 5:30: Wake up. No alarm. Real men have internal clocks. 6:00 :Coffee. Black. Like my opinion of cloud security. 7:00 : Mow the lawn. Then inspect the mow lines. 9:00 : Garage organization. 11:00 : Slacks pressed for Monday. 12:00: First Tallboy

Management calls it "Convergence." I call it a disaster. IT put a 12-digit password on the main water pump. If that pipe bursts, the whole floor is underwater before I can even type "P@ssw0rd123." Give me back my physical red button and a padlock. 🛠️ #OTSec #ITFail

Can’t believe I got Jerry onto the floor today. Back in 82 we were drinking Lonestars and chasing tail in Midland. Now he’s a "CISO" drinking champagne and talking about "Digital Assets." I gave him some Redwings and told him not to cry if he gets grease on his $5,000 suit. #OT

Told the kid we were going to lunch. He grabbed his lid and hopped in the truck. At the diner, he didn't even ask for a menu...just said "Whatever Bob's having." Jim would be proud of his boy. 🤠🏗️ #RIP #Grit #PlantLife

A "Good Sunday" means my phone is sitting on the charger in the kitchen and I’m sitting on the porch with a cold Budweiser. No "notifications," no "threat intelligence," and no "convergence." Just me, the wind, and a lawn that doesn't need a Wi-Fi signal to grow.

The new kid showed up at 5:45 AM with a thermos of black coffee and his own set of deep-well sockets. Didn’t even ask for the Wi-Fi password. Just like his old man, Big Jim. There’s hope for this place yet. 🛠️☕️ #OTLife #ChipOffTheBlock #Automation

@AllThingsPROFI Looks real pretty. Does it come with a tiny little umbrella to keep the dust off? Bc in Sector 4, that "PCI Express" is going to be covered in iron filings and grease by the coffee break. I’ll stick to my hardwired relays..they don't need a "firmware update" to do their damn job.

Hilscher has introduced the cifX PCIE90-RE and the cifX LPCIE90-RE, two new PC cards for secure industrial communication enable PROFINET device functionality. The cards are based on the netX 90 and available in PCI Express and low-profile PCI Express. ow.ly/ogEr30sUrtm

@ian_infosec I’m guessing FMK isn't a brand of socket wrench. Here’s my interview test: I put a 1/2-inch bolt in your hand and tell you to go find where it fell out of the #2 turbine. If you’re back in ten minutes with a grease stain on your forehead, you’ve got the job. #OT #OTSec

I've been told I need to "network" and "spread the knowledge" more. Joined the Twitter to network and I've got 36 spiral bound notebooks with notes since 1994. My office is unlocked, help yourselves. But don't touch the beef jerky or the Dale Earnhardt bobble head. TIA- Bobby

Vendor told my colleague "let's schedule the demo when Bob's not available." 3 weeks later their product failed in testing..Guess who got the call at 5am to figure out why?..... Bob was available....And I'm the captain now. #OTCybersecurity #cybersecurity #OT #PlantLife