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Originally, I was pro-Palestine. Most of my friends in the punk community were. They probably still are.
I absorbed all of the agitprop about how Israel was allegedly built on stolen land, how Jews are nothing more than a religious faith, how Palestinians are the real Israelites, and how Jews would have been better off immigrating to the United States and serving as goody two shoes "white" allies to "real minorities". I wasn't equipped to challenge any of it at the time, so I didn't.
But after a while, I began to have misgivings. The way people spoke about Israel and obsessed over it was unlike anything I had witnessed before, or since. This zealotry oftentimes bled into hostility against Jews qua Jews, all while they furiously denied any antisemitism on their part. It was disquieting.
In 2011, I met Israelis online who challenged my views. They were very patient with me, although I didn't deserve it. They would have been well within their rights to tell me to go fuck myself with a cordless drill, but they didn't. They were extremely knowledgeable. They had etiquette, erudition, and a wealth of sources to back up everything they said. All I had were rehearsed lines.
I didn't immediately have the courage to call out my friends, but I kept everything in my back pocket. Until one night, I gently pushed back against the settler colonialism charges being bandied about. I said something to the effect of "but don't Jews come from that land too?". The room fell silent. Some of them looked at me as though I had just swallowed a kitten whole, others began chuckling and saying "ooooooook?". I left the room without saying anything else.
When I got home, I began posting about Jewish indigeneity on Facebook. This was long before most Zionists were talking about it, so I was nervous. But I did it because, on some level, I felt like I had to.
I lost more than 100 friends within 3 hours. The comments ranged from "fuck off you Zionist pig" to "are the ZOG paying you" to "I hope Iran builds nukes and evens the score with the Zionist regime" (this was said by a self-professed anti-war activist). One quoted the Protocols and "TrueTorahJews" at me.
I was confused and, increasingly, isolated. I was no longer welcome in my old spaces. I got into a lot of fights, some of which became physical. On a few occasions, I was stalked by people who chucked garbage at me.
I became reclusive from that point on, and largely have been ever since.
13 years later, I still have no community. Out of the large scene I was once part of, I only have contact with 2 people.
But, I have no regrets either way. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't speak out.
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