Ariadne

Stop creating permanent places for temporary people. {A memo to myself}

Moved into a house with mostly vinyl flooring. Therefore we had the grossly overdue "Is that splooge or something else" conversation. For inquiring minds it was a dropped deodorant. As you were.

Guys, if I am liking way old tweets it isn't creepy. It has just been that long since I have opened Twitter. Except for you. Consider it creepy.

Get you a man who makes the bedroom darker than the inside of a coffin. Am I doing this right? I feel like that is very depressing. But holy shit I sleep like the dead. See what I did there?

@SweetlyDefiantB I loved her whole set. I snort laughed the entire time.

I love love love that Leanne Morgan discussed perimenopause in her comedy special on Netflix.

Also, if you would like to use this explanation for others in your life please send $5 to ihaveaweddingandhousetopayfor.com Thank you. (That is not a real website, obviously)

Exhibit B I would also like to thank my Mom for being an oldie and needing a fax.

This of course drives 11 to ask what a fax machine is. How does one explain the former glory of the fax machine to a child who was marveled by the existence of landlines and pay phones. I left this with my fiance. After all, he speaks fluent geek.

My spawn is 11. New tech is his thing. My fiance and I got into a conversation about fax machines because of Exhibit A.

He sort of combines the two so often he didn't realize the very subtle difference from our perspective. Now I am going to have to think of a name for his type. Swexy? This may need more thought.

Spent the morning explaining to my fiance the difference between head massages. Sexy - I will firmly rub your skull until you give me the bone signal Sweet - I will gently rub your skull for 25% more time until you give me the bone signal He was baffled.

Boob dichotomy is a term that my future hubby to be just used. We are trying to define it. Well I am. Apparently he knows exactly what he means. Help.

@KatInMontana You have met him. You know what I am dealing with here.

"You are not lubing the dog up and sending her across the floor" is something I never thought I would say to the grown ass man I'm going to marry but here we are with me saying it just now. For those worried, he won't actually do it. Do you know how expensive good lube is?

@darkness_dom Thank you for the blanket creative license. I don't craft things as a rule but there is definitely a best seller here.

@AriadneBound Sadly no, but if someone else wants to use it for that purpose, I’m fine with it.

Ahhh Twitter..the place I go when I miss seeing WannaDoms© tweet about the alleged size of their droolworthy cock yet calls women thirsty when they expect him to prove it. You can smell the hypocrisy. Smells like a big fat fucking lie.

@darkness_dom Do you needlepoint? You should put this on a pillow.

@AriadneBound I've never seen the point of making claims you can't back up. If I don't have it, I can't choke a slut with it. Why would I want to attract a slut who wants to choke on what I don't have?

New Year. Sam's disgust for 99% of the population. Need to make sure I remain on brand.

@KatInMontana Fucking typos. No edit button Elon? Come on now.

@KatInMontana I don't typically hunblebrag but my sex toy knowledge is on point. I will love you forever plus a day or two more just in case. Thank you for gracing me with your friendship. I will forever be grateful to this weird fucking place for you.

Every birthday should start with anal. Whether you give or receive is not my business. The proclamation still stands.