ash

This tweet aged like fine wine.

Who do I have to contact to get these two together????

I know some day I will have to leave Brooklyn to have a house in the suburbs but I just can’t even fathom that life.

A couple has been fighting / breaking up across the street for the last half hour. At least my rent also goes towards entertainment. I love New York.

new law to prevent cis men from making podcasts from now on and to remove their content from the internet.

Just overheard two pre-teen boys practicing pick-up lines: “Are you a meatball? Because I wanna meet you.”

@AbnormalAmanda I really think I’m on to something here

@AsherSos Oh wow this is so correct it’s a little bit insane?

Jamie Lee Curtis is the female Stanley Tucci. No I will no elaborate and I do not need to.

The hospital didn’t give me any pain meds so I took extra strength Tylenol and a bottle of red wine. #AmericanHealthCare

“Hang tight! We’re trying to fix it as soon as possible.” #LOVEISBLINDreunion

@Terminal5NYC consistently has the absolute WORST crowds. This venue needs to stop over-serving people in their early 20s. If someone comes up to the bar already wasted, cut them off.

Sir please. I’m just trying to go home.

A man just sniffed me as I got off the subway and let out a disturbingly satisfied “ahhhh :)”

I don’t have enough garlic bread in my life

Cutting down a wedding guest list is so stressful. I don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings but weddings are EXPENSIVE y’all.

Anyone else notice while streaming #Oscar2023 on the @ABC app, an ad break happens whenever a Black creator is in the middle of an interview??? What the f*ck is up with that? #Oscars

I’ve been working in news for so long that I don’t even know what jobs have normal working hours during the week. The only thing that comes to mind is teacher??

My fiancé has a wedding Pinterest board with my best friend and not me.

I love when my girlfriend orders for me. Like yes thank you, my executive dysfunction doesn’t allow me to make decisions and you know I just wanna order the same thing I always do anyway.

If Maury was around back when Jesus was born…

Why can’t I get dino nuggets delivered? @government